How to Fling an Otter

[LoisB]

Thank you Mighty :-)

I can hear that little girl inside shouting out her fears...

"What if Smokey demands D12 comes and spends an entire summer with him--without me? What if the courts demand that she leave me and spend big chunks of time with HIM???"

Grown Up Heather says, "Heather, Smokey hasn't seen or made ANY effort to reach out to D12 in 16 weeks. This is is habit. You have a record of these long spans of time where he hasn't stepped up to parent in any way, shape or form. He even dropped the ball financially until you filed a complaint with Child Support. You will meet with your attorney this week and get the facts. At this point, it's highly unlikely D12 would be forced to do ANYTHING against her will. In addition, you would be in a position to get her back into counseling in your new home. Then, you would have some back up from professionals that could look out for her. Look up what Asperger's resources are available in Up-Up-State New York. Get your facts. You've handled things thus far."

[LoisB]

Just looked up resources for Asperger's in Watertown, NY. There's one counselor (many specialize in Asperger's) who promotes herself by saying she follows the Leo Buscalia methods...happens to be a hero of mine. Ok. So, we wouldn't necessarily be ALONE in NY. In fact, what if I'm able to create a better support system in NY???

[LoisB]

On another note, a "good" friend of mine is all irritated with me because I haven't touched base with her when she has called me. I've been really preoccupied with my job hunt, well, you guys KNOW!!...Anyway, this is the same lady that has really taken advantage of me in the past two years. She has continued to send her kids to me even when hasn't been able to afford my services. Last summer, I didn't hear anything from her, despite MY repeated efforts to reach her, until mid-September. I was going bust at the time and the house was nearly foreclosed. Anyway, I've felt some guilt about not being present for her. I think she is upset that I'm shutting down shop...but, I asked for her help repeatedly since I began. She is an ace marketer. She never stepped up to the plate.

I think this is progress for me. I'm about 40% guilty and 60% like "Sorry, Charlie--should've valued me and paid me and helped me when I asked."

Little Heather: What if tutoring is the thing I'm meant to be doing? I'm really good at it.

Big Heather: What if this new situation gives you the opportunity to actually Tutor YOUR OWN DAUGHTER??? That's why you started tutoring anyway. She has felt neglected since you started this business. You have a chance to create a set schedule where you WILL BE available minus all the financial stresses. You have a chance to create the life you want.

[LoisB]

Pro:

At the interview, I was told that I was very outgoing, extroverted, etc...I don't hear that in my hometown...why? because in comparison to my "STAR" parents...I'm considered shy, introverted...

Pro: I could shine in my own right without the baggage of preconceived notions about me, my past, my parents, Smokey's antics, my in-laws...I'm surrounded by history here. I could be ME somewhere new.

[Mighty]

Keep going, Heather. I like what I hear.

[juliegayle]

Your pros are great. For your cons you already have answers lined up. I love how you can recognize which fears/anxieties/hopes come from big Heather and which from little Heather.

You will absolutely make the right decision for the team.

[Shining]

Pro: I could shine in my own right without the baggage of preconceived notions about me, my past, my parents, Smokey's antics, my in-laws...I'm surrounded by history here. I could be ME somewhere new.

This one has been huge for me and my kids. It's also the reason I'm having t find a new job...

Although, the opinions others have of us, are really about THEIR own experiences, fears and insecurities, not really ours....it takes a lot of superhuman ability to completely ignore that kind of treatment over a long period of time.

I am all for a fresh start, provided the motive is about moving TOWARD something POSITIVE, not AWAY from something NEGATIVE. (I do not see this as you as running away in this situation, by the way.)

[Mighty]

Shining, I had the same thought. It is one thing to run from problems, but here, I see heading towards solutions. I think it is a very healthy, thought-out move. One which provides a fresh start without the weight and burden of others' influences. Yes, Heather would have to still deal with others from her past, but with space, independence, and more confidently. She has not run from people/problems and faces things positively and constructively.

[LoisB]

Thanks Guys.

I agree. I think I've given my hometown and the "Bloom Where I'm Planted" thing a sincere, aggressive try. I've actually been trying for nearly two decades. I sensed, early in our marriage, that we really needed to get out from under the influence of some negative, domineering people.

I tried to remain here and recreate my life. It just didn't work out the way I hoped. The power of the negative was just too much. It's been 2.5 years since Smokey left. I created a business plan and started a business and it just didn't pan out.

[LoisB]

Thanks Guys.

I agree. I think I've given my hometown and the "Bloom Where I'm Planted" thing a sincere, aggressive try. I've actually been trying for nearly two decades. I sensed, early in our marriage, that we really needed to get out from under the influence of some negative, domineering people.

I tried to remain here and recreate my life. It just didn't work out the way I hoped. The power of the negative was just too much. It's been 2.5 years since Smokey left. I created a business plan and started a business and God seems to have another idea.