Ggrass, It all depends upon the individual as to how they can handle their emotions when facing the spouse or someone else when it comes to guilt and lying. Some are excellent at hiding the guilt and lies and can play a game of poker quite well and never give anything away. Then, there are others who can't deal w/the shame, guilt, lying or having done something to screw the spouse over and will try to avoid the spouse at all costs and when in close proximity w/the spouse, will look everywhere else and not have eye contact w/the spouse.
IMHO, those who can look you in the eye and lie till the cows come home, have made an effort to harden their hearts and emotions towards the lbs while having to communicate w/the spouse on a one to one basis. They had done a darn good job of vilifying the spouse so that the emotions/empathy chip, have been turned off when dealing w/the lbs.
Once the MLC trip has begun, in their minds, the life that they once shared w/the lbs, is over and they do not think of themselves as still married. In their minds, they separated and divorced us 18-24 months prior to the BD, so it's far easier for some to lie or avoid the truth at every turn. They do not think it's necessary to be honest w/the lbs as it is of no concern to them or, in some cases, they think that the less the lbs knows, the less pain that they will cause by telling the truth.
Again, it's an individual "personality" trait during MLC and how they handle things.
Ggrass, was your h a good liar before the crisis or could you "read" him when he told a lie or avoided the truth? While they are in crisis, you have to learn how to really listen to what they are telling you and you can then sift through the conversation because they do tell on themselves, just as their body language will.
