I'm sorry you are here. A "magic pill" would be great because this stinks. 33 years together for you? And you think you know someone, right? You think after all that, they would never turn their back on you, but somehow you become the "reason" for them turning their backs?! Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry to see your h has recently filed. It is not easy. Stick around here, though. It is very helpful!
I knew him so well. We were together since we were kids. We grew up together. I knew him inside and out. I would tell him he needed to deal with these "issues" because they would hurt him and WERE hurting him. I had no idea how badly. Either did he.
Me too.
I'm sorry Mighty, ((((((((hugs and love to you))))))))))
You will be ok. Know that. It's hard to see when you are still in the trenches, but it's true. YOU WILL BE OK. ;-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I am sooooo angry. Omg... Maybe I have been holding in a lot more than I imagined. I just saw ding-dong xh. In the last couple months I have only seen him from afar, a couple time at d13 games for a sec.
He is taking kids to a preseason football game today. They finally decided to do something w him, and yes I encouraged. But I was not prepared to see him myself, I guess.
H pulled in & honked his horn. S was talking to him for a bit whe d finished getting ready. I needed to leave- well wanted to. H was behind my car. I went out to say bye to s. He walked to me & gave me a hug & handed me mail that went to xh house. S said, "He opened it again. I told him to stop and that it's a felony and none of his business." I love that kid!
I motioned for xh to move out of the way w/o really looking at him, then got into my car. He moved and we were I. The road facing eachothr driving off. This sounds do immature, but I just felt rage. He looked at me the whole time, but he was stone faced. I sped away. I tried to maintain composure but I HATE HIM! I am so freaking mad at him! I don't even know what to do or how to act around him. He has another f'ing family- omg it is so weird and f'ed up. Gggrrrrrrr!
I didn't even know where i was going. I just knew I was looking good and wanted to show him. What is wrong with me? Probably didn't look so cool driving off. I drover for about 30 min and now I am in a parkinglot typing this on my phone. My friend who I usually do things w is taking her d to college today.
Why do I feel so much hate towards him? I am not a hateful person, but damn! Well, the bright side.... D13 had a slumber party at a friends last night. I had to pick her up at 7:15 for practice. She really didn't get any sleep. She is the crabbiest kid when she doesn't sleep. Well, daddy-o, welcome to reality. Have fun with her tonight! And s17 sprained his ankle at football practice this morning and is in a lot of pain. Poor kids. Haha xh. I'm so immature (am I in mlc?)
Whew... Venting.... I'm feeling a little better already.
Sorry for typos... Not easy raging through phone's keypad!
Also, I can't, for the life of me figure out WHY my church mailed this letter to xh address!? He does not go to this church & they mail me stuff all the time to my house! I called and asked for this certified letter bc I am my nieces sponsor for confirmation. How do they even know his address? Plus he just moved in there. It was addressed TO ME at HIS NEW ADDRESS W HWW! How weird is that? I wonder how HWW likes to see Mrs. Mighty in print at her house.
He is prob just as confused as me. Or thinks I did it on purpose for some weird reason.
I didn't even know where i was going. I just knew I was looking good and wanted to show him.
You go girl! Living well (and looking good) is the best revenge.
As for him being stone-faced - you might consider the tremendous amount of shame and guilt he probably feels. Also, it's entirely possible that he never ever intended for things to go this far, but felt trapped once she got knocked up.
He was depressed and stupid and cowardly and did not behave as a man of character. He probably has moments when he wonders how he got where he is.
But WHATEVER is going on with him - it's NOT YOUR CONCERN ANYMORE!!! You look fabulous, you finished painting the bathroom, you are moving on with your life - go out there and create something marvelous with the rest of your life. The world is waiting.
Mighty, ^^^^ I did that, too in the earlier days of s....I got dressed up and fabulous to go to H house and pick up my mail.... I'd prep myself mentally to have no expectations, smile, and be busy. Even the 30 second exchange and the look on his face (intrigued and wondering) was worth the effort.
I would have done the same exact thing. Just to get out. Just to not give any appearance that I was waiting around.... Good for you for taking that moment and OWNING it. No matter what the thought is on the other end.... You know you look good, and that's what matters.
What he has done to your family is awful. To the kids and you. And I agree they do somewhere feel guilty - I always try to kill him with kindness but even over three years in I can't look him in the eye. I just can't. Total and complete betrayal.
All I can say is I spent two years working through my mistakes and really changing the things about me that needed to be changed. Lots of therapy.
I love the new me.
I love my new friends on these boards and in alanon.
I love trying to play guitar. I love my exercise routine. I love that I rarely rarely drink anymore.
And of course I love my amazing girls.
Remind yourself of all the things you have to be grateful for and add something fun to your life - a just for Mighty thing
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Hi Mighty - sorry to read of your recent developments. I keep asking myself too, how is it possible that this is actually my life now? Unbelievable. Anyway, I totally understand the anger. I can't look H in the eye, and he wants to sit and shoot the breeze like 2 old buddies. I just CAN'T do it. It is not physically possible for me. There is nothing wrong with you. Feeling the way you do now sounds to me like it is totally appropriate, given what's happened to you and your family. If there is one thing I've learned -- FEEL those moments of anger, sadness, whatever -- acknowledge them, let them out somehow, and then keep moving forward. You are doing great. Let him see what he is missing. From all of your posts, I really feel like he will wake up one day and wonder WTF happened to the great life he had for so many years...Hugs to you tonight.
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
Hey guys, thanks for helping me through that. It is amazing the power these people have over our emotions- and xh didn't even do anything for me to ..... wait..... let me think about what I am typing....
OK- yes he DID do something for me to get emotional or crazy feeling. He did A LOT for me to feel that way. I am sure from HIS perspective, if I acted crazy today, he would think I was crazy, because he didn't do anything that second. OK, I kept it together enough to speed out of there (ahem, and enough to strut my stuff to the car, haha!).
I did a little shopping, then came home. Then my night kind-of turned around. I knew the kids would be home soon, so I went to a friends house so I wouldn't have to deal with the internal emotional crazies seeing xh in my vicinity. She is fun and we joked and laughed. The kids called me and were home, so I came home. When I got here, d was down the street at a friends house. She texted me and said her dad wanted me to come over, he had some people over. (He just got divorced and moved in down the street, I knew him and his xw for a couple yrs. She had an affair with his friend... yuck). Normally I would have said no thank you, but, I went. Doing something different- but for ME! It was nice, too. I met some new people, and one couple was good friends with one of my friends.
It was a nice change of pace. On my walk home, my friend (from earlier) called. We joked and laughed; she had me cracking up. It was good. I feel better.
D didn't say too much about her day with her dad since she is with her friend. S never really says much at all. D just said it will "always be weird" but she had a pretty good time. She said h was texting hww the whole time, and she saw her name on his phone. I think that bothered her. She said, "Even you and dad didn't text each other like that. He's obsessed"
She also asked him when he was going to get her school clothes. He asked why, and she said its fair if "mom and dad each get half" and it is not just one person. He said, "Did your mom say that?" She said no and that "mom never says the stuff you think" AND THATS THE TRUTH! I NEVER talked to her about school clothes shopping, other than I will take her. Money, xh, none of that ever even came up. I wasn't going to ask him for a penny. She said she wanted to say, "You only want to spend your money on [hww]" but didn't because she was sitting right next to him. I can't imagine what she thought he'd do/say. It is so funny how these kids think!
Also, my kids have been talking lately about me "dating". D said she had a dream she put me on a dating website and I had tons of dates and she thought it was awesome. Kids said when they got home and I wasn't here, they thought I was out on a date and that they were so excited about it. How weird?! Then when I told s I was going to walk down the street to meet up with some friends, he said, "Go out and have some fun." I wonder if I look pathetic to them?! Here is the best part.... when d was talking about day with xh and him texting hww, she said, "Mom, we need to find you a real man."
God has blessed me with these awesome kids. I am the lucky one to still have a family unit with them. I don't know how anyone could have walked out on them. This family friggin rocks. We have so much fun, love, and laughter. People always say how fun they are and how they love having them around.
I am lucky. And buddy, go back to your text messages... live in dreamland, live in denial, live the lies you believe.... who cares? I have what's important. I know what's important. I am a good person, and I know what it means to be truly happy. I'm sorry you couldn't find it here... but you will only find it inside. I'm sorry you had to leave to learn that- if you ever do learn that.
Sorry, that wasn't addressed to anyone on the forum. It was to, as my mom would call him, Mr. Wonderful.
And to you here on the boards: Thank you for getting me through another day.
