I was doing so good

[Spacey]

Oh, I know that wasn't your intent! I don't think it's ever anybody's! But this is one of those things that I think is well meaning but perhaps misguided advice.

I mean, it may have its place when someone utterly refuses to do the work for their own benefit, and will only be motivated by the actions or opinions of their estranged partner, but, let's face it, such an individual is fighting co-dependency, and isn't likely to step back even if their SO thought they were pathetic.

If we're here, we're probably fragile little things (I know I am right now! But then, maybe I'm projecting?). Hearing that the person you love probably considers you pathetic is a real blow. I think the more important message to drive home is that these actions (which the walk-away really probably does think is pathetic) just don't work. That's the best advice that I've seen hammered home by just about everybody on these fora. "Doing X isn't working. Doing Y doesn't work. Try something else."

It's amazingly simple, clear, and effective advice, and it doesn't come with a heavy emotional trigger like the word "pathetic".