Just picked up a fabulous new (I think) book which is a definite must read...I'm alread half way through it.
It's called "Not 'Just Friends': Rebuilding Trust and Recovering your Sanity After Infidelity" by Shirly P. Glass PhD.
Folks, this one has it ALL:
Here's a sampling of the contents:
1) a chapter on the myriad ways in which people can slide the slippery slope from "just friends" into a full blown E or PA.
Signs, signals, how to put up roadbloaks...what to look for if you suspect any "friendship" is crossing the line.
2) How such "friendships" can cross the line into a Double Life
This was VERY illuminating for me, and fit perfectly with how CJ described the progress of his A's
3) the Moment of Revelation (or as we know it "the bomb")
tips and good advice on how to handle suspicians, confrontations, and TAL!!! this author (unlike 83% of her colleagues) advocates us being our own, or even hiring a detective in certain circumstances
4) the many ways A's are revealed and the levels of betrayal and hurt involved...for example the unprompted confession vs dragged on suspicians, denials, lies, cover-ups, and trickling of info
Hearing about it from friends, strangers, the OP!!! (as was my case) or uncovering it on your own
5) In the wake of discovery: Essential advice on how to handle the incredibly difficult days and months right after the bomb
Typical reactions of both the betrayed and unfaithful partners....
The effects of the Trauma...dependent on all kinds of variables...why some of us are affected more than others
Yes she uses PTSD terminology as she quite rightly equates the emotional trauma of what we went through to the more typical "natural disaster/assault/warfare" traumas ususally associated with PTSD.
6) Of course there is a section on ENDING THE A...as a necessary part of rebuilding the M, or even giving it a decent shot (this is a very Pro-M book)
7) Ambivalence on the BOTH sides...to stay or call it quits.
GREAT advice on SHARING feelings of ambivalence...as this can draw us closer together.
7) How to cope with Obessions and Flashbacks!!!
8) How to repair good will and begin to piece
(Great insights on how even "trying to work on it for the kids or "family unit" can lead to falling back in love with your S!!!)
There's LOTS more here folks, that's as far as I've read...but it goes into HOW to reveal all of the aspects of the A...in what order is usually the best...quizzes on your Relationship vulnerability...Forgiveness...Healing Alone
And last but not least (SAGE!!!): A mini guide to safe friendships and a Secure Marriage
