I suppose I am the last person who should respond, since I can't say I know how you feel. I have tried to imagine the horrible pain the betrayed spouse experiences, but I realize it doesn't begin to scratch the surface. So please don't look at my post like I am saying any such thing. I wanted you to know someone is out here today, reading what you've stated......and I am so sorry for your pain.

There must be so much anger involved in learning more "details" of their A. Did you ask him a question that led to him telling you about their vacations? I have read some posts where it seemed the LBW had a much harder time getting it out of her head after she had details revealed.

I remember one case where the H honestly answered every question she had. And she continued asking him more & more, until that was all that filled her mind 24/7. Even though he was through with the OW and ready to R the M......the LBW simply could not let it go. She had wanted nothing more than for her WAH to end his A and return home. So, he ended the A, and she assured him she had forgiven him of everything....and he went back home to proceed with their lives. However, she could not leave it alone, and found no peace. Even though it ate away at her insides, she would ask him more questions about the A. She became so focused on what her H and OW did, that it consumed her. Even when she wouldn't ask him a question, she would wonder, "Did OW cook this dish for him". "Did he take her to see that movie?" "Did she do something sexual that I haven't?". On and on , until it robbed her of any peace. And, it would make her mad b/c he had apparently put it all out of his mind and it wasn't bothering him. He was remorseful, but seems he was able to put it behind him.....and that seem to irrate her. They should have taken things slowly......and didn't. They should have had counseling......and didn't. She should have stayed with DBing......and didn't.

I think you are hearing too much and before you are emotionally prepared. Perhaps he needs,to wait until the MC can guide the conversation. Or, you may even have to tell your H you can't hear anymore about "them" until the two of you are in a better place with each other. Maybe you will be better off never hearing any more, IDK. Everyone is different.

I have learned that marriage is pretty much an ongoing state of forgiveness. Sometimes the offenses are much more critical than others. But if we don't learn how to forgive our spouse, it will be an ongoing state of misery for both. Forgiveness is crucial for your own peace of mind, whether you stay M to him or not. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. He doesn't deserve to iniliate his family and then have another chance with them. He doesn't deserve your love, .......or anything else. But this is not for him. It is for you.

I am so sorry you have this new pain added,to what was already there. I hope you are doing something as a type of outlet for your emotions.

(hugs)

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!