Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since I posted an update!
This week was difficult for me. My GAL activities are becoming more sporadic now that school is starting back up and I have been lonely. On Thursday, I had a phone conversation with H that I can only describe as the low point for us since the S. I thought he was trying to change the status quo about something and I freaked out, which caused him to stonewall. We both reverted to our bad habits, and I was really worried that H was done after the call ended. H called and apologized the next morning, but I could tell that he was still upset.
However, we had lunch today and I think we're in a better place now. Even though we had some potentially contentious topics to discuss (finances and childcare arrangements), we were able to stay calm. At one point, he made reference to the "one in a million" chance that we won't get back together. When I used the same phrase in my response (active listening), he said, "I'd rather say 'one in a trillion' actually." So, I think he still has some hope! Also, he asked if we could ML tonight, which is the first time he's asked me for any kind of date since the S (all of our other dates have been initiated by me).
A few things did come up that I'd like your advice on --
1. He is willing to go to MC again but he thinks it's premature because we haven't made enough progress during the S. When I asked him what kind of progress he'd like to see before we go back to MC, he said that he is still "angry and resentful" for the conflict that existed pre-S. I asked him if thought that MC could help with that, and he said it's possible. When I offered to delay MC, he reiterated that he said would go (and kind of seemed upset that I was trying to suggest otherwise). I told him that the goal of MC doesn't have to be to work on our R (and I do think it would help us manage the S better either way, although I didn't say that to H). Do you think it would be detrimental to go now, if H is willing but has some reservations?
2. H mentioned that he has been wrestling with the notion of stonewalling v. enforcing his personal boundaries. He said that he understands that stonewalling is not good for us, but wonders what he is supposed to do when he's just DONE with a particular conversation. I just listened and said that it helps me to know that he is thinking about these things. I realize this is more of a piecing question than a DBing question, but I'm curious to hear what you think.
