...but then are you going to be OK with knowing you were the fall-back after he checked out everyone else? What would it take to know you are really his first choice and not the "no one else wanted me so guess I'll go back to Maybell?" I've been struggling with this concept lately and curious to know what you/others think.
Tough place to be and even without an OW, we could say that we're all in a fallback position. I could believe my H tried life on his own and it wasn't any better so he came back out of boredom, loneliness, wanting to live in this house, any number of things. For me, that's a victim perspective, "I'm not good enough."
I worked d@mn hard to become not the "better option" but rather the best version of me I could. Today I know who I am and I'm happy with the person I am. I'm strong, I'm vulnerable, I have a lot of interests, I do work that is heart work but also pays the bills, I volunteer, I have great friends. I don't "need" my H in my life. I want him here but only if he wants to be here. Wanting to be here includes working on things as they come up, accepting the dynamics of a real adult R. So far he has been, as have I.
Perspective is so important. Many of us have those 'I'm not good enough stories' and as long as we continue to believe them our Rs will suffer.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
