Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[Shakspr]

HopeTex, your sitch and mine have a lot of parallels. Here's a little hope for you - my wife rushed to file, etc., quickly. Once I began "Acting as if" the divorce was a decision she had made and I had to cope with as an adult, things HAVE softened. If we ever reconcile this marriage, it is probably 50/50 before/after the actual divorce. Once I realized that, GAL'g, etc., have become much easier. I did, like you, refuse to help her with paperwork or filing, or any of that crap. She can dismantle the marriage. I won't be a part of that.

When she softens, enjoy those moments. Create an environment that her memory can't deny as "good." Don't fear the inevitable pulling away and negative backlash. Those are signs that the good times WERE REAL! My wife has said that part of the reason she is doing this is because I have been miserable, too. Negative emotional cycling, little sex life, and no passion, no love. She's right about those things and I can validate. However, it isn't hard for me to say I have done a lot of reflection and soul-searching, and when she is willing, I can tell her all about how I see those things now.

She is responsible for herself, and controls the divorce process. But this is all she controls.

I refuse to give up until/unless she remarries or 3 years pass. (I graduated West Point. I can take the pain, By God!)

I won't tell anyone about this until absolutely necessary (thus making it easier for her to change her mind.)

I remain committed to becoming a better man and a better father. Therefore, as day follows night, I will become a better husband.

Hang in there!