Wife Is Continuing Affair-When Do I Start LRT?-V

[PeterV2]

Dev, yes using the word "consequences" has a lasting effect. My W saw it as a threat and even though I think I last said it about 6 months ago it still comes up. I remember on New Years Day when she had spent the Eve with OM I decided then and there to D her. I spent the first week of this year compiling the division of assets spreadsheet and it was not pretty on her side. (I had shown her a rough copy 3 days after I discovered the A in mid-Dec and she still refers to that.) Anyway, I cut her off from our joint credit card that week as well and made an apt with a D lawyer.
Well the following Saturday she comes home and says she wants to see if we can make it work. Within a couple of days she said she's going NC with OM and she booked an apt with our MC. So I told her I'll get her a new credit card and she couldn't believe I cut off her credit card. She took that as an act of aggression and punishment and pulled back heavily. So much so that she was in contact with the OM again within 2 weeks (so I discovered later). Now 8 months later she still occasionally brings up the credit card cut-off, the division of assets letter and the mention of consequences. Seems some things leave an indelible mark.
I have a feeling she's going to ask me to apologize for those things in writing. Although she hasn't really apologized for having an A. She has said she's sorry she hurt me. But everything in due course.

I agree, creating guilt doesn't solve anything. In fact I don't want my W back if she comes back out of guilt, duty, obligation or threat to her welfare. I only want her back of her own free will to engage in a mutually loving marriage with me. I've told her that. I've also told her our M is over. The old, broken M, that is. I would want nothing but a new M. A fresh start. And the door is open, but I can't promise it'll be open forever. (Although I haven't told her that last part about it not being open forever - she'd take that as a threat right now - baby steps).
Hang in there Dev. You're staying the course well.