Lost . . . I haven't been here in a while and I didn't read too far back, so forgive me if I am missing something, but I have to say it seems that you are STUCK.
I get it. I really do. There was a time period where I also felt stuck. Here is how you overcome inertia. Do SOMETHING. Anything. If something is not working, do something different! Literally anything.
You can't work on "getting over" your H or the M. It's just not possible. What you need to work on is being YOU and being HAPPY. (If I tell you "just don't think about elephants," what did you just think about? I bet it was an elephant. So you don't focus on getting over this or pushing away the negative thoughts and feelings - you find positive thoughts and feelings and you focus on those.) That doesn't mean you don't feel the tough stuff. You do. Lean into it. Feel it. Give it a good cry. And then move on.
11 months ago, I was a complete wreck after my H BDd me one random morning. I mean, I was pretty much rock bottom emotionally. I could not imagine how I would ever get over it. How could life ever be good again? How would I ever stop loving my H? I would read what other people wrote and think, pffft, they are cray cray.
Today? I am divorced. And I am happy!!! Honestly, I am WAY happier than I was a year ago. You know why? Because I dove right in for those months in between. I truly lived it, instead of pushing it away. I forced myself to accept my reality, to focus on me, and to find joy. It will not just come to you. You have to find it.
For months, the first thing I thought when I woke up in the morning, I mean, before I even opened my eyes, was "oh sh!t. FML." I don't do that anymore. Is there D nonsense still going on with my crazy narcissist XH? Yesssss. Daily. But I have gotten to a place where it doesn't take over my life anymore. I've got better things to do and think about, and so do you. If you don't, FIND SOME!!
One of the things I forced myself to do, even though I cursed about it at the beginning, was every morning (right after I grumbled FML to myself), I made a list of 5 things I was grateful for. Some days it was hard - I could think only of things like, "I'm not dead." But you know what? I have gotten so good at the practice of gratitude that now I can think of 20 things off the top of my head in any given moment, and truly be grateful for them. And even better, I have truly learned that the little things in life are what bring me joy. My life is far from perfect. I'm still dealing with the details of the D orders, I have to sell my house, my Mom has cancer. And then, of course, there are the little difficulties of everyday life. But I have figured out that I can still be happy, in spite of those difficulties. Because you don't have to let the tough stuff define you or control your life, lost!
Listen to the wise people who post on this board. They know of what they speak! I did NOT believe any of this stuff they told me, but I did it anyway, and they were RIGHT!
What's the worst thing that can happen?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
