Just had a longish text exchange with H. It almost ended but I thought how much I want to see him smile and so I closed it with
He replied with an invitation to a family dinner Sunday.
It's the night before first day of school so I'd intended to ask if he wanted to do something, but hadn't decided how or what. So I accepted.
Then I asked why he only invited me to family dinners.
Whole discussion of awkward and baggage, yadda yadda. I say I'm remembering what I used to like about him and that I'd like to spend time seeing that again because it's been so long. He raises the question of expectations. I say, no expectations, my head is all over the place too. Then I backtrack, I've probably said too much.
He says no, you haven't said too much. Why don't we have lunch or dinner this week? I say it doesn't have to be big. I just want us to smile and not be tense. He says that's a good place to aim. He says we'll figure it out this weekend.
I probably did too much but I felt like I ought to give a little seeing as how is rejected two invitations last week. And I feel like the family things are worse than nothing. I'm not in favor of those.
My primary goal at the moment is that he gets to IC and he starts getting the ADD addressed. Thanks to my state's long view on divorce, I have time to work with. If I drag my feet on the PSA I can buy time on that end.
He is so busy I can't imagine he misses me at all. He's probably really grateful for the quiet apartment. And it may be that we don't have enough in common anymore for much of a friendship even to come together. But I'd like to have the opportunity to find that out more cleanly.
How did I do?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
