WAW still at home, 3 weeks after asking for D

[bdub]

While soul searching yesterday I came to the conclussion that I could not handle dealing with the separation and with the OM at the same time. I decide to write a letter explaining my feelings and describing why I could not handle everything that has been put on me and still be peaceful, calm and collected. I asked politely that we establish a ground rule that we be home by 12 or 1 when we go out, so that the other could sleep and function properly. We have never been night owls and getting home at 3 am is totally new to both of us. With the boys still in the house I felt that it was important to all of us that we continue some source of normalcy. It is a big change that we are both going out separately, let alone coming in at 3am. I even mentioned that I am not asking for specifics, or that we even exchange information. She rejected my boundary and became angry with me because I was being controlling. I told her that I could not hold it all together emotionally if this boundary was not honored. Honestly, dealing with the separation,the OM and her being at home is too much. The stress from the OM could be almost completely eliminated if she would honor my boundary of coming home at a decent time. The discussion became heated and she said she needed to get out and I agreed. The place she wants to live is not available for at least 3 weeks, and we can't afford it anyway without the car being paid off. This morning I texted her the payoff for the car and she said she would talk to her mom about it. Since the time table for her leaving the home has been moved up from Nov.1 to 3 weeks from now, I told her that I was cancelling this weekends camping trip and that I we should sit down with the boys tonight and tell them more about our situation. She didnt seem to want to change her plans so I told her that I would talk with them myself but I hoped she would be there to present a united front. From day 1 we have said our goal was to make this as easy as possible for the boys and as "friendly" as possible for us. Meaning we would divide assets and set joint custody through a dissilusion and not a divorce. Since I have recently had this all dumped on me and it has destroyed me physically and mentally I think it is VERY important to inform the boys in small doses so they have time to process and adjust to each bit of information. So we will see if she comes home after work or goes out. Either way I have established a boundary with consequences and I am willing to stand by it. I am still focused on making it easier for the boys and making it civil for us at this time.