Thanks Shining, Julie and Georgia! All my adult life since having kids my # one hope and fear has been can I be good enough for them. I have always been able to overcome setbacks because I knew that if I failed, I would also be failing them. I remember holding my oldest D right after she was born and thinking that every decision I make for the rest of my life will shape who this person becomes. That if I mess up it's not only me who will pay the price but her as well. It changed me more than anything that I had ever experienced in my life.
Over the years I have always made sure to be there for them. When my W became depressed and I had to take care of more and more, I did it because I was doing it for them. When my oldest went through her "rebellious" period and she wasn't easy to love, I knew that how I dealt with her at any given moment could make the difference between her getting through this time and succeeding or going so far off course she may never be able to get back on track and made sure that whatever I said or did I did out of love for her, not because I was angry.
This is part of why I was so shocked and hurt when my W bombed me. Here was a person who knew first hand what D can do to a child. Who at 47 years old still wasn't "over" her own parents D and she's saying things like "D doesn't hurt kids, it's how the parents act after" and "We all hurt our kids, they'll get over it". Who no longer seemed to be able to think about anyone else but herself, not even her own kids. Here I had spent the last 18 years trying so hard to do the right things and she wants to break up the family and tear her kids from the only home they have ever known for what? Because she was "unhappy" and wanted to "find her joy". It was like she had become someone else, someone I don't much like and was blaming ME for her becoming that way!
Thanks for the kind words everyone. Sometimes it just seems like the world I thought I was living in before B-day has just become something totally different and the things that I always believed (and thought my W shared that belief) are just no longer possible in a society where M is no longer as important as "self fulfillment" and it's so easy to just have a "crisis" and walk away before you can even get a chance to wake up and realize you're making a mistake. Over and over I read about people who have walked away from long M's and end up waking up a year or two later and realizing what a huge mistake they made. By then it's too late. Too late for them and the kids and all the people who they hurt in the process. Just like all of us here on this board, I never thought I would be one who had to deal with that!
