Yea at some points just getting out of bed is huge.
I was talking about the whole ordeal yesterday to an acquaintance form long ago, her comment is wow, your attitude and forward is amazing in a short space of time.
Yes it has been up for about 3 months, and faked on and off before that. I just bounce emotionally up. Physically up out of bed is different but mentally.
A story. we have a hate fully nasty negative woman at work everyone hates her finds her awful and cannot work with her. Yesterday I happied her, ever time she opened her trap to moan or carry on for 5min I happied her.
She was mmmm someone's in a good mood! Yeah, I went to a funeral. Life is ok You shouldn't be happy,
Butt in suns out life's good. She moans I but in again. I stop she moans I butt in!
She was mega pissed by the end of 5min. What a waste of energy. on her part
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Mighty - your 2 posts from yesterday -- I could have written much of them myself. However, there is no baby on the way in my sitch, at least not one that I KNOW of! (I would NOT be surprised if there was.) Very similar though - H wants to be friends, and all that. We're just starting mediation now, after a year of separation. You seem to be doing extremely well. Keep up your good attitude.
I loved your post on GeorgiaBelle's thread, about taking our spouses for granted -- because WE were in it for the long haul, we also, naturally, expected our spouses to be in it 'til death do us part.' Truly - it made my day. Heck, it made my week. My counselor has never even said such a wise thing. THANK YOU.
Hey Live, I'm sorry your sitch is similar. It is no fun. I have had lots of downs. In fact, for months before I posted here, it was like I was in a coma. I was totally stagnant. I was hopeful and dbing, but not GAL, so much. A little, but it was just so hard to really move along. It took about 6 months to really get going. I was doing pretty well when I nuked. Since then... well, I don't know, but I have gained so much more strength and momentum, that I am recovering faster... I think. I don't know. Numbness is wearing off... we will see.
Really though, I just think about where h is and I don't want that. Hww is with a very broken person. Maybe he is giving her his best now, but there is only so much of that to give. He has a lot of hurt an anger. If she can help with that, so be it. But I don't see it. What I see is two very selfish people who will probably eat each other alive. Maybe not. Maybe I have these thoughts for self-preservation. Who knows?
But what I do know is that he did not give his best to me. Soooo... it is easier now to tell myself to move along. Why would I want someone who would want to treat someone like hww better than me?
Again, I'm sorry you find similarities in my sitch. It stinks to think we gave so much to someone who couldn't do the same in return. I would have gone to the end of the earth to fix anything in my m. If I felt a problem, I would have done so much to fix it. It would have been a cold day before my option would be to walk out or give up. How can you give up before you even put forth effort? Don't give it to someone else, for crying out loud!
Maybe that's where I was the biggest fool. I would have been surprised to hear of ow OR OW pregnant! I was in such MAJOR denial. Whew... sucker! Yup, that's me.... NEVER AGAIN!
Keep your head up, Live. Find the things to help you through. I think about who he is now and how I don't want anything to do with that person. It totally helps with detachment. I also think about the things he did to me months ago... all the bd's, big and small. The text message saying he was pursuing d. Walking away from me in public like he didn't know me. Lying while spending the night with OW. I never want to feel that again. The second I think of these things (among many more) I get a sick feeling and know I never want to go back to that. This helps me detach and move forward. I do get pulled back with the good memories, the thoughts of him giving someone else what he should have given me... blah, blah, you know. But, when you hear it gets easier, it really does. Trust me, there are moments, many of them, which will test you and are very tough, but each time you feel stronger. It takes less time to get over, and you remember what makes you feel better.
I'm glad I wrote something that helped you earlier. I always feel like I am rambling on with some BS. I do it because I can get it out. Some may wonder why I continue to post, but I do it because it is helpful to me, and because I couldn't find a sitch so much like mine. Maybe someday someone can relate and get something out of it. I'm glad you did. Haha... maybe people will get something out of it by saying, wow, that chick is crazy... do exactly the OPPOSITE!
I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my lawyer. It said, "I received your Judgment of Divorce."
I scheduled an appointment for Tues morning with l so he can serve it to me. Humph.
Taking all the nonsense out of it, I can't believe I am divorced. I never thought this would happen. One year ago, I was happily married and making plans for my future. Well, I was happy... and I was clueless he wasn't. That's the crazy thing with mlc. I knew him so well. We were together since we were kids. We grew up together. I knew him inside and out. I would tell him he needed to deal with these "issues" because they would hurt him and WERE hurting him. I had no idea how badly. Either did he.
So, that's that. End of a chapter. But I feel the same. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but right now I just feel sad. I dreamed about h all night.
I really just can't believe this is my life. I never thought this would happen. Seriously.
Mighty, I'm so sorry you're feeling sad today. I wish we DBers had a way to meet in person but for now I'll have to settle for giving you a virtual hug. (((((MIGHTY)))))
I could have written much of what you posted..... This whole experience is just surreal.
I don't know your history in great detail, but reading how you grew up together, know each other so well, etc..... I have a hard time believing such a sudden life change with decisions made during crisis will be a lasting positive for him...but who cares.
The good news is that it can, and will be for YOU, no matter what. Because you are here, you are aware, and you are one of the strongest people I know.
One day he'll think, "Wait.....my poorly thought-out, selfish and hasty decision didn't solve EVERY SINGLE THING in my life and make ALL my problems magically disappear without having to look at my own issues? Now what?"
Time will tell.... Meanwhile, I think you are one remarkable woman. I don't know how you've done it all.
Mighty. You should feel sad. The official end of a marriage is sad. If your h doesn't feel sad it is because he is living dead in the middle of lala land.
Now is time to start your new chapter. Live the life you want. It's ok if you don't know what that is yet. You have lots of time to figure it out.
More hugs (((mighty)))
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I'm so sorry. It really does $vck. I know you love your h or the man that he was. However, one silver lining is that his choices are his. I remember when I first came to this board I kept reading that's it's not my job to teach my stbx life lessons. What? But I should, right? Nada. Life will teach your h lessons. The universe has a way of handing things.
Now let's see what exciting things unfold for you in this new chapter. I'm sensing some good stuff:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Wow! Shining, I read your post earlier and it made me pretty emotional. I couldn't respond right away, because it was overwhelming. It was really nice and helped me get through the day. And I got a lot accomplished, including completing the painting of the newly added bathroom! Yeah! Almost done!! Thank you. I really don't feel strong- just lost. Thanks for the kind words.
JG, GB, Bright- Thanks so much for the support. You all are the best. I don't know how I would have made it without coming here. I know it will get better... I hope sooner than later. I feel so displaced today. I really don't have closure. My h told me in Oct that he wanted a divorce and he didn't love me. I was blown away. He moved out Thanksgiving weekend just saying he needed time and space and we would just separate (all while making comments about our future plans). I got a text in March stating he had made an appointment with mediator. There was never really a discussion about him ending the divorce. Nothing since bd in October. I thought for sure we would have SOME kind of discussion. All the while we were very friendly (outside of his monster episodes).
Then nuked in July. Haven't spoken since.
Now it's final and still silent.
Weird.
Well, only one way to go from here- up!
BTW, GB, I rocked a maxi the other day and thought of you!
I really just can't believe this is my life. I never thought this would happen. Seriously.
I am so sorry, Mighty. In the same boat here, never ever thought this would happen. I'm feeling your pain and wish there was a magic pill to take to make it better.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
on her part