barely holding on - 3

[u-turn]

Thanks Doggy - I still don't know how the EA will ever end - I should demand it (joke). Months ago she was trying to validate what I saw as an EA and she saw as a healthy relationship "work spouse" she even sent me articles about this type of relationship. She took that way too far since that (and she acknowledged that too).

So right now she is taken back and upset by the lack of information of what I am doing. I took off a half day from work on Monday and didn't tell her about it. She found out from the kids. I told her that I had things to take care of. (true - business related). I didn't explain myself to her though. I was not trying to hide it - I had no reason to - I was just trying a 180 of not keeping her updated

It upset her and she said "we're through". What a strong reaction considering all of the lies she tells me and her whereabouts that I don't know of or ask about. I am still not so good at knowing how to respond to such things, so I just kept it matter of fact. She really has double standards right now - she wants it all but the detaching and small amount GAL'ing that I am doing is pushing her buttons a little - I suppose that is a good thing.

I know not to get into a long conversation about this or get upset by this. (I don't want to be accused of being a jr. high school drama queen again - thanks sandi!)

She did say that I have no idea what she is going through or how she is handling it. I acknowledged that. I said later "I am not even going to pretend that I know how you feel. I am sure it is very hard on you". She said "I appreciate that". I guess that is the validation she was looking for - right?

She is doing a lot of snooping on me now (she has been doing this for a while though - I have never changed my passwords or anything - I have always been an open book for her)(I don't think I want to look deceptive). She was going through my phone, my computer. I know this because she is not as good at covering her snooping tracks as I was. I don't really care if she snoops though - maybe it is a good thing. To me it still shows that somewhere in there she cares.

She may have seen this forum open - which concerns me a little. (I don't want her to think that I am just trying to do what it takes to get her back). I don't want her to know that I am spilling my guts here either. I also never have brought up the fact that I know she looks at my phone. Maybe she wants me to know that she's snooping for some reason (mind reading).

I am taking S20 back to college today. It is a good thing for him, probably a good thing for everyone right now. I don't know what the dynamics at home will be now. All through this - since March, she has put timelines on making decisions. The latest one being "when the kids are all back in school". This one will probably pass too and onto the next one "I can't possibly make any changes until the leaves start falling off the trees"

So I will see - probably back to limbo.