Wow, thanks everyone, Much has happened since my last post (the board was down for a long time). Yesterday I got a text from W. It said that D14, who I took just a few months ago to get her eyes checked and contacts for the first time, failed her eye test for school. The tone was like how could I let this happen and how D hasn't been happy with her vision since she went. My W was asking when her eye test was and how she needed to go back and get re-tested before school starts (Monday!) and what am I going to do. So, I called the eye dr., scheduled D14 to have a follow up appt. today, arranged to get off of work to take her. I text my W back all this and the date of the last eye test. So, W texts back that she doesn't think they got her script right and still all upset. I text her that they were really good about it, were fitting her in ASAP and it may be that they gave her the wrong lenses when we ordered them, who knows. About 1/2 hour later W texts suddenly all nice and saying that she wants to be sure D can see the board for her AP classes and, again like before, a smily face!
So, I took off work today, took D to get her eyes checked and her script changed a lot, maybe because of a growth spurt. D than asked to get her hair cut so I took her for that. While she was there I decided to text my W so she would know. Tell her about the change and that she is trying a different lens. So, I get OK, SMILY FACE from W. Then a text asking how much it cost (could it be she was going to offer to pay?, No, no way!) I text her it was free and that I was getting D a hair cut. Again, she texts right back about good that it was free and say THANKS (she never thanks me!). After hair cut D wants to go get clothes at Marshalls and also asks if we can go pick some things up from her mom's place that she needs for tomorrow. No problem but since I know how I feel when my W just goes into my home I decide to tell my W ahead of time just so she knows (maybe she will get the hint that is the right thing to do). Just got an OK back. I guess she can be nice when I do things that she would have had to do herself if I didn't.
Had a good day with D14 and tonight we went out to eat with my oldest D19. Had an adventure, we got lost getting there but we had fun. Dinner was really fun and my D14 really opens up when she's around her sister. Went to a cool place and D14 loved it. All in all a really good night.
My D14 said something really weird today. We were in the car on way back from her mom's. A song came on the radio about a guy who asks his GF's father if he can marry his D. The father says no, never. My D laughed and said that was me. I told her that it would have to be a really great guy before I'd say yes about her and she asked if I asked her mom's father. I told her the truth. That her mom's father wasn't in the least bit interested in what his D was doing, much less who she married. That I only met him once in the 4 years we were together before we married and he just never even bothered to talk to his D, so I didn't think I needed or he cared if I asked. She looked at me and said "I wouldn't mind if you got remarried some day". I asked her what she meant. She said "I think it would be great if YOU were the one who was asking mom if she was "alright" instead of her being the one who broke up and getting to act like you're all hurt because of her leaving you. I'd love it if you went to her and said "Are you OK" all concerned because you were getting married to someone else".
Whoa, where the heck did that come from? I never act like I'm sad or talk about what's going on between her mom and I unless she brings it up. I did get upset when I had to tell D14 that her mother had filed and how I really tried to make things work. But I was more upset because I felt I let HER (D14) down and I never wanted her to have to deal with the stuff that comes with D (like having to spend holidays with one parent one year and another the next, moving from place to place, etc.). My W has told me that she is so afraid that D14 will blame HER and be angry at HER because she was the one to file. When she was angry once she said she knows how it works, I'll be all upset and D14 will feel sorry for me (like W did for her mother) and that is manipulation. This was when she accused me of wanting to turn her D against her (projection anyone?). I now am wondering if my W is asking my D about me when she comes back from staying with me. Maybe asking if I'm all upset or blaming her or something like that? I'm not sure. I just laughed it off when she said it today and said that I have no plans to marry anyone any time soon.
Not sure what to make of this interaction. My D19 thinks her mom is acting like a 15 year old and is really not happy with her at all but D14 hasn't really spoke at all about things other than to say when I said I tried everything I could to keep our M together, she said "Maybe there wasn't anything you could do".
Any one have any thoughts on this? I always thought kids at her age, at least at the beginning, want the parents to stay together. What my D14 said really caught me a bit off guard.
