Slowly switching gears

[Anders]

Wow, Where to begin?

A lot seems to have happened over the last week and a half but I will try to keep it short.

One of our windows spontaneously exploded a few days ago. Completely shattered. Some neighbors said it could be due to the heat as there was no sign of any vandalism. I emailed W to let her know and we had a very friendly back and forth about it.

We then talked over the weekend by phone to catch up. We kept the conversation very light but it is the first time since March that we didn't talk about divorce, separation or logistics. It was simply catching up.

I got caught up on her new job and what she is enjoying about it. She seemed to be really interested in the new firm I am joining and what I would be doing. She even was offering up advice about some of the work we will be focusing on. This was a bit surprising as for the last year, she has not really asked anything about work or my plans. Whenever the topic would come up, she would feign an excuse and walk away.

Funny thing is that I was planning on ending the call on a positive note but we got disconnected and could not reconnect. She texted me asking if I could call back. We both tried calling back but no luck getting through for some odd reason. She could hear me but I couldn't hear her. She seemed disappointed and texted if there was something else I wanted to talk about. I said it was simply nice to catch up and she appeared to be surprised at that, replying 'Oh' and 'Yeah, it was nice catching up and to hear how you are'.

We talked for about an hour before we got disconnected. It felt good, natural. Our last phone chat was in early July and was incredibly awkward.

On top of that, I met up with my brother-in-law and to find out that he and his wife are expecting their second kid in a few months time. This was bittersweet realizing the very real likely hood that I may not be a part of their world. I have already missed out on most of my little niece's second year. I kept the conversation focused on him, my sister-in-law and my niece. Nothing about W which I am not sure how he received.

Then my brother called to let me know he has asked his long time girlfriend to marry him! Incredible news as they are a really great couple.

I have been kept busy at work though I do recall reading on someone else's thread that some of us use work as a way to run away from the reality of our situations. I have to think about that. I do worry about her less and less and find I am not worrying about our situation as much though I still have moments of fear. I still pray for her every morning that she will be safe and make the right decision.

Still, after the call we had, I couldn't help but feel happy about it. It has been a long time since we simply had a conversation. And it felt good.