Dealing with WAW part 4

[Casey]

it talks about emotional baggage they are carrying around that nothing we do will make a difference in the relationship today. She will have to work through these areas herself in order to receive our love again. a woman is not in a favorable position to reconcile if she is struggling with her past.didnt mean to get to heavy but wanted to share this with you guys and girls .

I think this is a very important idea, that our Ws are struggling with emotional baggage from their pasts that we had nothing to do with, and their behavior towards us is in most cases not personal even if they say it is (believe none of what you hear and less than half of what you see...). I know sometimes I lose my patience and respond with anger to provocations, but this is always an unhealthy way to address the problem - even if it is short-term very satisfying!

I guess that is why detachment is such an important technique; it depersonalizes our reaction to provocations which for the most part are not personal but the actions of someone else on autopilot. Sometimes you just need to dial in more trim to remain straight and level... When I can step back when W is not around and look at it rationally it makes it easier to stay focused on the goal, which for me is surviving this and out-stubborning my WAW. One can love the sinner without loving the sin.