He said he thought she was what he wanted but he could not see that she wasn't until she was out of his life. He said it took him getting his own place and getting away from that situation in it's entirety to realize what he was doing and had lost. He said he went from trying to win her back to talking with a counselor at one session that opened his eyes to the fact that she wasn't what he was fighting for. He said from that day forward (almost 2 weeks ago) he realized that she just filled the void and helped him escape our issues instead of dealing wth them.
I wonder if it was her leaving him that sent him to a counselor, or his confusion? Either way, as long as he has come to realize the truth and what he really wants in his life.
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I could see some softening the week or so before we went to dinner. Offering to take care of house stuff etc. except at this point I was consumed in attention from OM
Okay, good. He was probably in the waking up process then.
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And it bothers me he wanted to stay at his job unless I committed to fixing things.
Maybe that's a man thing. I mean, I have learned by reading post from LBH's that they want to know the answer before they do the action. They want to know if the W will commit to working on the M before he puts all that effort into it. So, I guess it would make sense that a WAH would too. (Sigh.....men!)
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He sent me a text yesterday saying I can't wait to get out of this place. I can't believe I never saw what you saw for the last couple years. I can't believe I thought they were my friends. This place is just hell. My boss told me just to give it time and hopefully his daughter and I can work it out. He said once he said that it hit me like a ton of bricks as to what I've done and what you saw that I couldn't see and I'm sorry.
As crazy as it may sound to the rational person, I can believe he's truthful. I look back on my experience and wonder how I could have been so blind and stupid! It's all part of the "condition" or state of mind the WAS is in at that time. Not excusing it by any means, it is what it is. When he begins to wake up (and even if some wake up at a faster pace than others), he won't necessarily see everything clearly that transpired the past two years. He may not recall things as you do, and may even argue about some things. It is called a fog for a reason.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
