When I wrote the last post I had a hard time translating my native into english. In my native tongue we have the words friend and enemy but we also have a word for not-friend. I looked up this word and the direct translation is enemy. The word not-friend is more like two people that doesn’t like eachother, they don’t necessarily wants to hurt each other but they avoid each other. When W said she didn’t want to be enemies she used the not-friend word and not enemy as a war enemy or somebody else you want to hurt. It is so hard sometimes to get these translations right and I fear the enemy-word might cause some issues. I didn’t hear W telling me she wants to be buddies (good friends) but I heard her saying she wants more than we have had.
I do get your points about getting friendlier and as you write I have changed my path towards one where I am friendlier. I will keep on this until it has to change again. I like this – it is easier for me to be friendly. I still leave her all the space she wants but I do not end the convos as quickly and I share more of my life as well as I ask about hers. …so yes, I believe I understand what I have to do from here! As usual I do not entirely understand why and why now, but I have learned that the full understanding of these steps normally comes to me when I start taking them. I totally understand why I needed to go down the road of not being friends. It gave W, and even more important me, the time needed to figure out who we are. It healed a lot of the hurt and now enables both of us to communicate as adults. This would not have been possible without a long period of time apart.
I will take it slow from here. I need myself in this process and time has shown me that time is a friend in these matters. I am at a happy spot these days and I am not missing anything right now. I do want to share with W if possible but I will be fine without as well. – so patience is rather easy these weeks/months.
I do know that R is not in any way certain and that I might get hurt – but I will risk that and more gladly. W is worth it and so are my children’s happiness.
I am glad you see the talk today as a positive and I do hope you will keep following and advising me on this journey.
As always, Sandi – Thanks a million for all your caring and support!
P.S. Today it is exactly one year ago I followed another advice from you and told W that we could not be friends and I started LRT/Dim/whatever-I-should-call-it. I am so glad I followed your advice. It saved me!!! But OMG!! A year!!! Time flies (when having fun )!!!
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.