I can give you an example. My s17 has been having a VERY difficult time with everything. We were all sooooo close, and he would hang out w me and h all the time. H leaving really rocked his world. He is an honor student and started failing most of his classes (including PE and he's an athlete). He stopped participating in things, became sooo moody and negative, and would just sit in his room.
When I would hold him accountable for things, he would get really upset. Around May, he started trying to use h against me. When he was mad, he would call h to come get him. This stopped after h disclosed his "double life" and s17 no longer contacted him like this. S also became much more upbeat and positive (ironically- but because he said he can now move on and will no longer stay with his dad). So since he hasn't done anything with h since June, he can no longer use him as an escape, although he hasn't needed it.
Last week, the night before d13 and I left for our trip, s17 was having a fit about something. Then he tried to get into it that he wanted to stay home alone, and since his recent behavior showed he wasn't responsible enough, it wasn't going to happen. I would have allowed him to stay with his friend, but he was way to disrespectful to me at that point to give him an option. He was so mad. He tried it again: "I'll just go stay with Dad." I totally called his bluff (thank God for DB!) I very calmly said, "OK." It was silent. His eyes got so big and he was surprised. I just walked away, and needless to say, he did not call his dad, but he did stay with my brother.
Didn't mean to hijack, just wanted to make the point to be careful. That's the thing with mlcers, they act like teenagers, because teens have a tendency to be very self-serving. Even the best, sweetest kids want what they want. Sometimes they try to play us. I think it's normal. It is how they are figuring out the world and how people work. They are becoming more independent and curious about the real world and people. I think it is somewhat healthy for them to have different interactions with people to see where they fit in and how others will react. Just be careful. Keep it simple and to the point. Don't give an emotional reaction. Plus, your d is very confused right now. She is watching you closely. The more confident and comfortable you appear, the better she will feel. You want her to have that option of stability. It will help her with her own confusion.
And aside from that, kids are so thinking about other things, like getting ready and how they will look. Where it will be cool to hang out. Don't take it personally. Eventually she will remember where she feels comfortable and with whom she feels comfortable.
The joys of parenting teens- (all while being married to one!)
