I actually see it as a positive step. I think it was a very well job done by both of you.
The only comment I have to make is about the following statement:
Quote:
W wants to be friends. ”I know you told me last year that we can’t be friends but I do not want to be your enemy.” I told her that we will never be enemies, that I only wish her the best, but also that we can’t be friends. She then argued that there are many levels of friends to which I agreed and then left it hanging.
Sounds as if she thinks a person has to be an enemy of friend....and there's no in between. I know I harped about not being her buddy when she first left you. B/c she wanted to have all the benefits of family time, without the commitment of the MR. She wanted everything on her terms and had a fantasy about how the D would really play out. However, she admitted it certainly was not that way in reality. And, I feel it would help her begin thinking about a possible R if the two of you were better friends(at least, stop telling her she can't be your friend b/c she thinks it means--enemy).
Since there is no OM, and since you do want to reconcile, and since she is seeing things better now.....I believe you have reached the point where you can afford to be more flexible in this area.
I would not make a discussion about it, nor even a statement...but just start slowly increasing the level of friendship. You've been doing so for a while now, anyway.
Do you understand (b/c I know it's important to you to understand these things about the process) why it was important not to fall into that position of "friend" when first she was "discarding" you as her mate.....and how friendship can be permissible at a later time (for some couples)? You both had things to learn, and now have reached a different level (I think) in this process of getting back together.
I encourage you to not push it, and to see this as your opportunity to shine. Let her see first hand (and closer up) how well you have developed into a new & better man. Eventually, it will lead to dinners and time together without the kids, hopefully.
While I don't want to confuse anyone about where I stand on the issue of friendship with the WAW, I do want to make it clear that I believe there are cases when there have been no waywardness in the behavior of the WAW (other than her leaving)and sufficient time has passed that a certain level of friendship is possible. As long as you understand that there is a risk that your heart could be broken and disappointed if there is no desire for reconciliation on her part. There is always a risk to some degree in relationships.
I do believe it will help soften the strain between the two of you. It may be quite helpful in keeping her anger under control.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
