Don't you think it is only fair to the male friend that you discontinue your friendly relationship until you can make a decision?
If anyone can understand how confused a person can get over their feelings.....it's me. You associate your H with the source that caused you and your children/family terrible pain. You associate the OM being a source that comforted you during your pain.
Like I said, I can understand your confusion. However, it concerns me that OM isn't being the gentleman who does the right thing and step aside b/c you are still a M woman. Maybe he sees it as "fighting" for you, but didn't you say you had only dates a couple of times? So please think about that point.
I also think your H is rushing things, even though he said he wanted to take things slowly. You have not had enough time to adjust to the idea that he wants to repair the M.
Whenever I see or read about a WAS who makes a complete turnabout so suddenly (as if they "snap" out of their fog), I always wonder what happened to cause it. Seriously, he and OW broke up and he was ready to pursue you about R before you were aware that anything had changed? Has he offered any details?
You may not be interested in hearing it from him, just yet. If it were "me", I would want to know what caused him to suddenly come to his senses.
It bothers me he thought he could still work for the same boss! He was "willing" to interview for another job, but gee, you'd think even a WAS would have enough sense to know he couldn't stay in that same job. Has he not recognize the kind of influence his boss played in all of this? Maybe he was just thinking of the money, IDK. And that's another issue in itself....how he kept the truth about how much he was really making from you. Well, I don't have to remind you, I'm just saying.....
Keep telling yourself that time is on your side. There are two guys who are bidding for your attention. Do not let that pressure you, and I know how it can. Believe it or not, I have been there (but it was before I was M). Don't rush yourself to decide. If your H has really changed, I think it will prove itself out. If you are over him and falling in love with this other guy....I think, in time, your heart will let you know. But right now, there's a very good chance the other guy is a "rebound". Rebounds can deceive us, so take your time and be careful.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
