More confused than ever

[woundedfool]

In a marriage counselor I don't quite know exactly what I am hoping to accomplish entirely.

While the MC will help with the healing. The main reason to go is to work on what to led you two to have the WAS moment in the first place.

If you don't deal with the old behaviors/issues (which you have not), anything from here on out will indeed accomplish little.

I know my main issue is trusting that this won't happen again but nobody can tell me that I have to either jump in or not be willing to take that risk. I need someone to at least help me heal with the things he's done so that I am able to let go of the resentment and look at him differently than I look at I'm now. I am having a hard time trusting that he is genuine about everything. I really don't get how just almost 2 weeks ago he was trying to talk about her being a step mother etc to now this.

Again, your trust issues, anger, resentment... all the bad feelings are JUSTIFIED. Just don't let them overcome you, or solidify the wall you have built up. Keep processing them, I still pray every day that my heart does not harden for anyone or anything.

I can tell you for sure, I will have trust issues in every relationship for the rest of my life. But I will NOT let them handicap my relationships.

I catch myself wondering is there better out there.

There is better out there, there is worse.

No one here will tell you to take him back unconditionally... and just to expect the last 6 months didn't happen. But you need to work on opening your heart and mind (fully) to giving it a shot.

You believed in giving it a full shot (ah hem.. without distractions) 2 weeks ago... could you find that girl for me?

I don't know that I can take that big of a risk of putting the boys through it again.

Ok, you played the card first... so I will go there:

Put the boys through what? 15 years of weekends with dad? A potential new 19girl? Separate birthday parties? Separate vacations? Worrying about telling the other parent what they did while they were with the other?

Divorce is tougher on them then attempting reconciliation.

6 month "hiccup" when they were young will be a great story/lesson in humility, forgiveness, patience, understanding and communication. (but I am not setting an expectation)

nobody can predict the future.

ummm.... yes we can, didn't we almost tell you line for line about how 19girl would work out?

And please don't take this as I am not grateful and happy that H has turned into my direction, I am. I really am. I am just super conflicted and do not want to travel down the same road making the same mistakes. I want this to be right if I can figure out a way to rebuild a new marriage.

This is why I think it is so important you complete the homework assignments I have given you. Instead of lunch with OM, I want you reading DB or DR tomorrow.