In a marriage counselor I don't quite know exactly what I am hoping to accomplish entirely. I know my main issue is trusting that this won't happen again but nobody can tell me that I have to either jump in or not be willing to take that risk. I need someone to at least help me heal with the things he's done so that I am able to let go of the resentment and look at him differently than I look at I'm now. I am having a hard time trusting that he is genuine about everything. I really don't get how just almost 2 weeks ago he was trying to talk about her being a step mother etc to now this.
And while I completely understand everything you say I am working to actually do it. I have really cut down how much I am talking to OM and I know he is filling the void just like H filled her with. I guess I catch myself wondering is there better out there. Then I have to stop myself and think god I sound just like H.
And I hope he can give me everything that I've wanted over the last 6 months but is it real? Will it stick? Will I be here again years down the road? Nobody can answer those questions and I don't know that I can take that big of a risk of putting the boys through it again. I feel like I'm in protect mode and very guarded. I know counseling will help but ultimately nobody can predict the future.
And please don't take this as I am not grateful and happy that H has turned into my direction, I am. I really am. I am just super conflicted and do not want to travel down the same road making the same mistakes. I want this to be right if I can figure out a way to rebuild a new marriage.
It has only been since Saturday but between helping with the boys, grocery shopping, and picking up ALL the slack since I've worked all these days it really makes me see why I stuck it out saying he was a better man than this fake person he's been for 6 months.
I've always liked this quote and never thought H would be able to do this but here we are ...
Any man worth his salt will stick up for what he believes right, but it takes a slightly better man to acknowledge instantly and without reservation that he is in error
