More confused than ever

[woundedfool]

Ok, settle in, this will be a long one:

Hey guys! Sorry I worked the last 7 days straight so I have been in zombie mode!

On the plus side, it should mean you have the next 4 off.

We are setting up counseling probably for next week it's just tough with my work schedule. H has been looking around for counselor and has sent me a few and suggested we pick together. So I'm okay with that.

I think thats good. But what are YOU looking for in a MC'er?

I have been seeing him a couple nights after work. He brought me dinner the last 2 nights and hung out. I get home after the boys are sleeping so they don't know he is here. I don't want to confuse them or send them mixed signals. I have my mud volleyball challenge on Saturday with all the docs from work. OM is coming obviously. H asked if he could come and I just said I didn't think it was a good idea because I haven't really said anything to anyone at work and I'm just not ready to deal with it until I know what I want and where we are. He said that he agreed and understood and didn't want to make it uncomfortable for me.

All very good, very reasonable.

I know I'm going to get 2x4s but you guys can't help me until you completely understand how I am feeling.

Yea you are, but I will be gentle.

OM is exactly like 19girl, in the sense that he jumped into something based on how it made him feel in the moment. It became the center of his focus, and a distraction to take the time to look at himself and really figure out what the issue is was.

You mention

He gave me a lot that H took away from me. He showed me that other men can be interested in me and that I could be happy without H.

You already know/known that... we told you But seriously, you are without a doubt still reeling from what your H did and handled things. You still need to do MAJOR healing. Is a good place to heal with someone you just met?

It doesn't mean you need to reconcile your M, it doesn't mean you even need to try (though I think you do), and it still doesn't mean your M will be repaired. Remember: NO EXPECTATIONS

And my advice has NOTHING to do with your H's recent turn.... I would be telling you NOT to start any new relationships that have the potential to move into something deeper.

I said H you know the first thing. He said quit my job? I said yes. Then he says well I'm doing really well there what if I just come to work and leave and don't talk to anyone. I said are you serious? I said are we really here again? I can't imagine you would think It would be okay to work for that family and run into the daughter all the time. I'm sorry but that's a non negotiable for me. I said I want to go please take me home.

I think you clearly stated a boundary, which is good. Now, just keep following up on it. If he doesn't quit, all the above advice is unnecessary.

He said I love you and I am willing to do anything to make this work. I am going to prove to you that I'm going to be the best husband and father and I will be there fighting for you for as long as it takes.

This is where I want you to be very careful, you are slowly starting to sound like a WAW. While I don't want this to sound like a positioning thing (and I GET IT, he hurt you... hurt bad).

But your in a position to get every single thing you wanted over the last 6 months. Here are some highlights:

I'm having such a hard time accepting this divorce when I don't understand why our family isn't worth fighting for. I feel so sad for our boys.

I am trying to figure out the best way to handle this for him to realize what he's doing and atleast try to work on this. However I am losing hope now that I know he has filed for divorce.

I am devastated. I have been fighting for 11 weeks today with it only getting worse and worse. Please help me

From the day he left I have told him how much I love him and am willing to compromise and fix this because I love him and I am sorry if I made him feel the way he says about me not appreciating him or not being good enough for me. But I can't fix anything if he doesn't give me a chance.

Don't let the girl who was fighting for her M (with the above quotes) get picked up by that alien ship that had your H.