Living the dream...one day at a time

[wishing, hoping]

Hello all

Had a wonderful vacation. Lots of driving but it was nice scenery. I was sure exhausted after all that driving but back to the real world today.

So the deal with J was that for his camping trip he took my Sunday night and switched my Mon/Tues for his Wed/Thurs. Since he took my Sunday night I told him originally I was going to take last night (his Wednesday) and drop them off today (Thursday). So then we would be Back on schedule. We stopped at a hotel Tuesday night so I called him to reiterate what the plan was. He seemed to be on board with it and I was shocked and surprised that he gave me no grief. Well...it didn't last long.

S texted J to let him know about the other things that were going on this serried on top of the soccer tournament. I knew then there was gonna be an issue. At 9:00 J calls and leaves a message. I call back and he is mad. He says he is irritated that I didn't drop off the kids tonight. I am flabbergasted. My jaw dropped. I said I told you I was keeping the kids tonight and dropping them off tomorrow. He said but you told me you would be getting back late. I said it is late. He said you should have dropped them off. I re-explained to him that he took my Sunday so I took Wed night. I told him this was my plan from the get-go. I originally was going to take Thursday too and let him take another Sunday but decided not to. He then told me he hasn't seen the kids for seven days and our agreement says it is supposed to be a seven day max for one parent taking the kids. I told him when he had the kids for spring break he had them more than seven days and I never said a word. He disagreed with me and said it wasn't accurate. I told him it was because he had the kids from Wed night until the following Friday morning. He stopped and said well I guess it ends up evening out and said he just missed the kids a lot. I told him I understood and I missed the kids badly when he had them too. He said he was just frustrated because S was planning stuff for the weekend and it was busy already and he doesn't get to spend time with the kids. Now whose fault is that?

I am trying to change the way I interact with him. He expects anger and I am trying to get rid of the anger and drop the defensiveness (but still keep my guard up). And I often wonder if something is really wrong with him? He just doesn't act right. I honestly think he cannot recall conversations. Which is why I put everything in email with him. And I told S to text things to his dad so he has proof in writing of when and what he said because J is pulling the "you never said that" card with him. S told me when his dad was taking the kids to the zoo the other weekend J needed his GPS to find the way to the zoo. And he still got lost. Now this may not sound like a big deal but the zoo is really easy to find and it's right off the highway. Signs are all over. And we have lived in this area for 15 years. We have both been to the zoo numerous times. I could get there with my eyes closed. And J is the one who showed me how to get around in the city. He knows it like the back of his hand. I think it's really odd that he can't find his way to a huge locale like the zoo.

Any way it's a busy weekend for all of us. I personally am ready to go back on vacation.

WH