Hey guys! Sorry I worked the last 7 days straight so I have been in zombie mode! We are setting up counseling probably for next week it's just tough with my work schedule. H has been looking around for counselor and has sent me a few and suggested we pick together. So I'm okay with that. I have been seeing him a couple nights after work. He brought me dinner the last 2 nights and hung out. I get home after the boys are sleeping so they don't know he is here. I don't want to confuse them or send them mixed signals. I have my mud volleyball challenge on Saturday with all the docs from work. OM is coming obviously. H asked if he could come and I just said I didn't think it was a good idea because I haven't really said anything to anyone at work and I'm just not ready to deal with it until I know what I want and where we are. He said that he agreed and understood and didn't want to make it uncomfortable for me. I have been seeing OM a lot at work which is unusual. We still do talk/text but haven't hung out since H and I went to dinner. I am not sure how to deal with that situation. I know I have feelings for him but I can't bring myself to completely cut him off even if there hasn't been anything physical or intimate between us I just genuinely like him and enjoy talking to him. It has become a regular part of my day so I am struggling. He gave me a lot that H took away from me. He showed me that other men can be interested in me and that I could be happy without H. I know I'm going to get 2x4s but you guys can't help me until you completely understand how I am feeling.
So as far as my long overdue update from Saturdays dinner I summarized as best as I could....
Okay well sorry this is long overdue but here we go. I'm sure I will get some 2x4's but as most of you know with the exception of H and I having a conversation a few weeks ago we really never talked about anything other than he was unhappy and it was over
So I got out of work early and agreed to meet H. If you guys remmeber he asked because he wanted to try and figure stuff out together before the lawyers. So I said, 'sure H I will meet you to discuss legal stuff but I just want to be upfront I can't agree to anything without my lawyers advice'. So he insisted on coming over and us driving together so we did. I was busy on the phone - paying a couple bills and texting. We get to dinner order some appetizers and had a couple drinks. Afte about 20 minutes he says. I really wanted to invite you to tell you how sorry I am. I said okay. He said I just want you to know I know how much I've [censored] up. I stayed quiet. He proceeded. I have made so many mistakes and I can't believe all of the things I've done to you and our family. I still remained quiet. He said do you think there's any chance we can figure things out together. I played dumb and said yes that's why I said we would meet let's see if we can compromise. He said no I mean us. I want you back. I want to prove to you I am the man you married and that. I will do anything for you and to make this right
He went on about how much he hurt me and that he and her did start talking before he left but nothing happened until after. He said they did talk Inappropriately and that she told him he deserved way better and that he fell for her [censored]. He said she is the biggest mistake In his life. He said he has been feeling regret since basketball started. He said he made his mind up back in July when he was in the keys with her and her family and he has been struggling with anger and couldn't see how he felt or figure it out til he got his own apartment.
I ended up having some tears at dinner saying you have broke me into a million pieces. I said I've been waiting so long to hear this and these last few weeks I really feel like I can finally see my life without it being revolved around you. I don't need you to make me happy. He said he knows and he deserves for me to never take him back and that I deserve to be happy
We ended up walking to the car. He grabbed me for a hug and whispered what do I have to do? I said H you know the first thing. He said quit my job? I said yes. Then he says well I'm doing really well there what if I just come to work and leave and don't talk to anyone. I said are you serious? I said are we really here again? I can't imagine you would think It would be okay to work for that family and run into the daughter all the time. I'm sorry but that's a non negotiable for me. I said I want to go please take me home.
He ended up tearing up in the car asking me over and over what I wanted. I just said I can't get into this right now I wasn't prepared for this conversation I would just like to go home and we can meet and talk about it another time. He kept pushing and I just sat there quiet. We stopped and I got out to pump gas and he called a friend that had been offering him a job for the last year. I got in the car and he goes it's done. I am going to X for a job interview first thing Monday. I stil stayed quiet and just said oh that's good.
He said I love you and I am willing to do anything to make this work. I am going to prove to you that I'm going to be the best husband and father and I will be there fighting for you for as long as it takes. He ended up coming inside the house with me and helping puf the boys to bed
Like I said about the flowers Sunday and then he met a few of my friends and I for drinks two nights ago.
