Married now living seperatly

[FunDad]

Thank you Mr. Bond,

That was cool to say! I've read Dr. Dobson's book "Love must be tough". I have ordered the DB book and it should be in my hands soon.

The problems that I referred to was a list she put together that I was working on. She even agreed that certain aspects were getting better and our marriage counselor agreed these could be worked on. The problem is however that they are vague and difficult to measure. I would get to one point, and should would raise the bar. Many of her issues relate to me being unaware of others feelings in the home and being self-centered. Can't argue there. I do clue out sometimes and I'm not emotionally aware as she is.

We both were working on the counseling together until recently. This is sad because we finally found a real marriage counselor (as opposed to just an LPC) that was helping us when she decided my time to improve was up and she was moving on. She then had surgery, moved out, and now we are living separately. Thank God for friends, family, and counseling cause I'd be a mess with out it right now.

We have several adopted children. I feel awful for bringing them into this. These were her ideas, that I supported so she could be fulfilled in life. I feel like she is done with me and has used me for what she wants. I love all of our children, but knowing this would eventually happen would have changed my view on adopting children.

So she's recovering well from her surgery and she's on HRT. She looks better than she has in a long time and calm, finally. We actually had a decent conversation last night when I dropped off kids that did not include bickering. I'm choosing not to connect emotionally with her at this point and I don't let her argue with me. When she left, she crossed the line and I started the tough love approach. Even so, it's hard to balance the "tough love" with being her husband (provider, father, etc). Her love language is acts of service. Several times I've brought food over for her and the kids. I've had to rescue them with other situations also.

I could use advice on how to balance in this area. A few times she's opened up, and wants to talk about things that I would normally jump in and support her need for emotional connection, but even though it hurts me I'm choosing not to bite to maintain the boundary.

Thanks,

FunDad