Hi Georgia! Why is it their first thought is "What are you implying....."! They always seem to think that we are saying something bad about them or "implying" that they are somehow doing something "wrong". It seems like no matter what you say it's an insult. I remember saying to my W that I wish she could get home in time to have dinner with the kids more often and a week later my W says I called her a "bad mother"! Uh? I'm willing to bet she remembers it that way. When I said it she probably heard those words and not the words I used.
The defensiveness is a sure sign that he KNOWS that what he said is a load of CR@p! Man, this whole MLC, D, end of R, etc. would be so much easier if the MLCer could just have enough decency to do what is right at least where the kids are concerned! Amazing what MLC does to S's that at one time were really good parents!
Not sure how but I really think you have to find a way to get across to him he can't have the kids around this guy. It won't be easy but it is too important to just ignore.
