She said the only thing that she is for sure right now is that she wants her own place to figure out what she wants in life. I let her know that the kids where not looking forward to living with the OM. And that our friend ship would be affected by this. Letting her know that if they moved in together that I would still care about her but the relationship of ours would now be on OM to take care of.
We where cleaning out one of the sheds and the wife took a phone call from OM. This upset me emotionally. I said some thing towards the fact that it was rude to take the phone call while I was there and me and the kids should leave. That I was not emotionally ready for her to talk to him in front of me. I told the kids we should leave. She got mad and said she was not being rude because she walked away with the phone call. But she needed to take the phone call because it was some thing that she needed to know from him. I took a walk down the drive way and calmed down. And explained why I was acting that way. And explained how it hurt my feelings and why.
The OM shouldn't bother me so much because I know he is just a fantasy. And I am the real thing. I see our friendship growing every day.
Which do you want.....a friend-ship or a marriage-ship with her? I think you are wanting to use what you are calling "friendship" as your vehicle to carry it back into the M. But here's the thing, if she is not living with you and she's considering living with OM, I seriously doubt she is seeing any sort of relation-ship with you the same way you see it. B/c she is wanting another man in the position you had in the home....and b/c you still want to call the shots about her not talking to OM in front of you. It looks more like you wanting to control her.
You reactions made you appear weaker, instead of confident. If this happens again, don't stand around telling her how the kids will feel or what you should do....just do it. "Get your things kids, we are leaving".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
