I had IC this morning and spilled the whole thing to my C (who did not comment on my appearance or suggest dating to me at all). It was a four-kleenex day.
His primary concern is that my H get treatment for the ADD. He doesn't think anything else will get through till that happens. I agree. H knows this is something he needs to pursue, so I am left hoping that H will do what he said and book at least one IC appointment for himself. I don't feel like I can push for this any harder than I already have.
IC also said that the fact that I have such a hard time being warm to H in person is as confusing to him as all his stuff is to me and that I need to find it in myself to respond more warmly to my H when I see him. He talked about "contingent communication" and how we aren't communicating directly with one another any more, but communicating with our perceptions of what the other one communicated. He said that's true on both sides. He wasn't too impressed with my text but said it was understandable that I would crack under the circumstances.
He also said he was really impressed that I had found DB and was trying as best I could to follow it, that it was really impressive to see someone stand up for their marriage as strongly as I am and that I should feel good about myself for that.
He suggested that I at least talk to D11 about H having a "brain glitch" like my FIL and my S8 (which she would understand) that can make it hard for him to meet her needs sometimes, and give her some strategies for working with him so that their stays at his house are more comfortable.
He also said I should tell my H that he's confusing me with his behavior (he used much stronger language than that, lol) and that it makes it hard for me to know how to respond to him. I'm really not sure how to do this and H is on a business trip anyway so I'm going to wait and see what happens next.
I feel like a Weeble Wobble. You know, Weebles wobble but they don't fall down? I find myself standing for the marriage without even intending to. It's like my default setting. I find this really curious and wonder if it's because I really love and believe in him that deeply or if it's because I can't imagine my life any other way.
So that's where I stand now. I'm really, really tired and looking forward to the evening when I can sack out on the couch with my kiddos and read to them. In the meantime, I have work to do, so...
Allons-y!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
