Based on what I've read - affairs can last between 6 mos and 2 years. So - 9 months? You may be just in the middle of it. That's incredibly frustrating but then stop and realize that you've made it THIS far....
I totally believe in MLC and the fog. And yes - I think that the affair is actually a condition of her MLC. She was unhappy with herself and she looked for something outside of herself that would make her happy. She found OM. My guess is that OM is NOT going to make her happy, but she's got to see it all the way through. Unfortunately for the MLCer, they tend to break more of what's around them as they go through their crisis, so the original unhappiness with themselves becomes harder and harder to fix.
So - if you've read about the MLC stages, she's in replay right now Her behavior is crazy and frustrating. Replay can take a LONG TIME. After replay comes withdrawal, and then depression--so it gets worse before it gets better.
All throughout this, you have choices. You don't HAVE to wait for her to get through this. You just have to be okay with leaving if that's what you decide to do. You can't make decisions with her anymore, really...You can do what's best for you and what's best for your family. For me, that still feels like waiting. But - like you, I'm 9 months in. It's become clear to me that I need to change who I am, and I won't be happy with the old relationship that we had before. I want and deserve more now. So - time will tell if I get that.
