Good morning ats, I got the same thing from my W, telling me how she never missed me when she went away to visit her father or when she went out of town for work. She would tell me that it just "proved" that she would be "happier" alone. Of course she enjoyed going away. She didn't have any of the day to day worries of running a household and taking care of kids. It's ALWAYS nice to get away for a bit, alone, here and there. Not only that, the only way to do that is if you have someone around who loves you enough to take care of all the things that you would normally be needing to do when you went away. It's part of the script of the MLCer. Again, I really think that they blow everything out of proportion that can possibly show that running away is the thing to do. That "validates" that the answer to feeling "better" is as easy as just ending the M.
Right after B-day, I started to ask my W to do more things with me. We would go out and do things and she would have fun but she would later say "I enjoy doing things with you. I always have fun when we're doing stuff together. That's not the problem.". It's not the problem because the "problem" isn't the M or the LBS and never was! The problem is inside of them. The problem is they are in crisis and until they face that, face the real reasons they feel so empty inside and are trying to fill that void with all the things they try (like OP, losing weight, changing friends, going out, etc) they will continue to feel that pain, keep looking for outside reasons and answers (like destroying their M and family). My W once told me that she is the type of person who thinks to be happy, she must do what happy people do. So, how many "happy" people has she heard of who got that way by leaving a 20 + year M? I haven't found one example of a single person who got a D after a long M that felt glad later on that they did. All I ever see is story after story of people who, after some time has past post D, wish that they hadn't gone through with it.
Hang in there ats. I know how hard this is and you are getting much of the same Stuff I got. I remember when my W was saying the same stuff your H is, acting the way he is, I was told "You can't argue with crazy". You can make perfect sense, you can show him all the valid reasons that your M and you aren't the cause of all his distress but it won't make a bit of difference in the state of mind he is in. Just keep in mind that it really isn't you or your M. You didn't cause him to be like this and nothing you do can fix it. It's up to him to see the truth for himself. In the meantime take this time to work on making yourself a better, stronger person!
