H's MLC #3

[2BHappy]

I feel so torn, I was in a good place, now all these feelings and confusion is back. And I think its because I'm ready to move on with my H, but Im scared, worried that I may not be making the right decision, worried that this is because Im tired of the situation but maybe not really done, worried that this is because I just want my H back now, better then ever.
I have been waiting, praying, hoping.
I see small signs from my H, but too scared to even trust those signs.
Im tired of feeling like this, it's a year now why/where are all these feelings coming from now...now when it seems like H is getting a lil better..
Sleeping in bed every night (very late) but in the bed, seeking me out more, asking my advice again, but the things I want from H is not there, and now also Im thinking about his A and I wonder , can I really ever trust him again, or better yet do I want to trust him again, if H comes back, do I want to put myself out there again, to trust him, to be there for him,,,I feel like my H does not deserve me, when I think back on our M,,,there have been things I did not like, things I needed from H that he did not give me,,,so really truly I dont want the old M or old H back. It would have to be brand new start over,,,not sure my H wants that or even has it in him,,,
How long will my H continue on like this, I thought by now he would have moved out or started to work on M,,,and maybe his small signs are him working on himself,,,and maybe the time is up for me,,,,

BUT since I've very emotional I will be quiet, continue to work on me, working to be a better person, stop focus on my H. For a while I was able to not even really think about my H thru the day, like only when he was in my presence, now again thru out the day my thoughts go back to my H and my M.

I need a break, need more GAL, focus on my son, my weightloss, my family (NOT H) and my job.

WHY do I feel like Im going backwards..