Dealing with WAW part 4

[pilot]

Casey, igit,

Funny you bring up the dad issue. That was actually a focal point in the few MC sessions we went to. It turns out, or at least the C pried it out of her, that she is afraid of her dad. Not physically, but I guess paternally would be a good way to describe it. She is very close with her mother, but her dad is the one she 'fears' if that makes sense. I will google chaos kid and see what I can learn from that.

My W has had jealousy issues regarding women from my past. It is not that I ever gave her a reason to be jealous. She knew other women were wanting to be where she was. But if one ever came up in a conversation or we ran into one, she would always be quick to talk poorly about that person afterwards. I always felt she was trying to reassure me she was a better choice by pointing out flaws in the other girls. I would always agree with her so I did not give her any reason to worry or think something was up.

And igit, you may be right. There may not be any one single kill shot in our marital drama. And it may very well be fixable. My W has never been able to narrow it down during our talks as to what was wrong. It always centered around 'its just a feeling' she has of unhappiness. Then she would go and say she thought it was because we lived in a certain town, and if we moved things would be better. Always something, and if that changed, things would be better. Eventually she said she allowed herself to think it might be me. A week later, BD. I am just not sure I have the gas left in me to reignite the flame. While DB is definitely an effective tool for rebuilding your own life, it can also at the same time really wear down on your own self esteem. On one hand you have a woman who wants nothing to do with you and will make it known to you, and on the other, you have other women who are actively trying to have a shot at you, and doing and saying all the things which make you feel good about yourself and you look for in a partner. So why keep at it with the one who makes you feel like you are failing? Isn't life too short?

I really think she wants the freedom to explore whatever it is she is searching for, but wants the security of me at the same time. She wants the emotional security and friendship when she needs it, as well as a financial safety net. I have a feeling she is going to fall flat financially in the next few months. She is moving into a new apt and taking on new expenses, while having no job and maybe enough money saved to get her by the first few weeks, maybe a month. Her parents have told her they will not be helping her, although I think they will to some degree. Which means when the piggy bank comes dry, she will look to me...again. And I am not sure I want to be there for her. Not that I want her to fail, I just want her to understand what real life is like. She has never had to be on her own. She went straight from college to living with her aunt in my town, to having a roommate for a couple months, then to moving in with me. Our lifestyle was pretty exciting to say the least. Our cost of living was more in a month than she will make this year with the jobs she is looking for. I think it will be a good thing to have the value of money put back into perspective for her.