Living with WAW who will not leave

[Casey]

More journaling...

Past several days have been mostly good; of course I only saw W for Sunday evening and half hour Monday night after she got done with work, and for an hour Tuesday before she had to go to work. When we were in close proximity we almost could be mistaken for a normal couple. W initiates conversation with me and laughs at comments; tells me all about her problems and trials at work, etc. I have learned to just shut up and listen/validate instead of try and fix her problems.

I have a hard time imagining that W is in affair with another OM right now. The avoiding me and avoiding almost all physical touch says that something is going on but when we are together one could not tell there is a problem, and there really isn't until we are in a situation where touching could happen. Why is W like this? What is going on in her mind?

W will text me when she gets home from work to thank me for something like leaving dinner for her or doing laundry/dishes/etc, but ignores me otherwise and I have learned to avoid texting her during day because I know she will never answer. When I told her that I agreed it would be best if we lived apart last week she agreed and then has not brought it up since.

I have continued to work on my physical shape and appearance. Been reading on wardrobe for men; I prefer a more traditional, classic style and I really need to work on updating my threads. I have let myself go in that regard; when I am not working I wear blue jeans and t-shirts which I wear until they are too worn out to wear further. Looked at fixing teeth; mine have always embarrased me since I was a kid because they are crooked and parents could never afford to get me braces. I will have dental insurance in Oct which will help with some of the expense. W used to tell me I never smiled and I always look too serious; I never smile because I am ashamed of my crooked teeth.

I have to save some money for flight lessons; I need to be able to take several lessons a week to avoid having to waste time in review when I actually start flying. Going to buy my books for ground school on 1st; I am thinking I can at least start studying so I can pass my written exam while I am saving money for flight lessons. When I was talking with W Sunday evening I mentioned resuming flying lessons and finally getting my pilots license. Her reaction was positive, and she said that would be good because we could fly to Minneapolis for the weekend instead of driving.

I have been really trying not to read anything into Ws actions and comments. I know, believe none of what she says and less than half of what she does; yet it still drives me crazy speculating on motives. Guess I am so eager for normalcy I am allowing my detachment to slip. I want W to see and experience positive interactions from me, yet I don't want to give myself false hope or a friendship to her if she is still involved with OM.

Those of you that are more experienced with this stuff feel free to offer advice or words of caution...