I was feeling like I keep getting the same advice on here, especially from the guys. So I read back through my threads to see that advice again. Sure enough, I saw a lot of my whining about how do I do NC, should I be friendly or not, what do I say in response to him, what does it mean and that sort of thing. And the advice I was getting boiled down to:
-don't be too available -show you are happy without him -focus on yourself
I also see that I have been doing pretty well with that for the most part, with some major slip ups.
He is being friendly in order to keep me close. Which I am taking as a sign he wants to get back together. But the truth is he just doesn't know what he wants.
At this point I think I am too caught up in the moment by moment and day to day. I want this to be over NOW so I expect that any day he will call me up and say he wants me back. It has been about 2 months since BD. I think if he was going to quickly realize his mistake it would have happened in the first week or two. Since he was having a party in the pants of his coworker in the first few weeks, that didn't happen. So now I have to buckle down for the long haul since it will likely take quite a bit longer.
That means that I should move on with my life and not think about him every minute. That means maybe I do not need to get so obsessed over each communication opportunity. If we reunite it will be in months or years from now. He is on his journey, dating, experiencing being single, finding out who he is. As much as that is horrible for me, it gives me time to focus on my own life.
We have a few mutual friends who have recently reunited with partners that they split with months or years ago. I look at these couples and wonder what happened? Why did they split? Why did they reunite? I see some similarities with my current situation. But I know that it took time for the WAS to get to the place where THEY changed and wanted to reunite. They had to wake up from their foggy state and realize that the person they were originally with was amazing, but that took time, space and dating others. During this time the LBS was able to stay in touch with the WAS while still moving on with their life.
My takeaway from this is that I need to move on with my life. Don't stress about his every move, let him go about his business. Just be awesome myself. If he realizes that he made a mistake he will let me know.
That's my epiphany for the day. Stay tuned for the rollercoaster to throw us all for another loop!
