Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Well, a little drama tonite.

Picked the W and kids up at the airport, they had a good trip to Denver. W was generally pleasant and friendly. We all went to lunch then went home, W and one D7 watched a movie upstairs while I hung out with other D7 and S5 downstairs. Then we cooked and ate dinner, and the kids had their baths. All pretty standard.

Then it was time for bed. As I have mentioned before, my wife and I have been trading weeks in the master bedroom. When my W is out of the master she bunks with my soon in his huge 3-bed bunk set. When I am out of the master I take over the girls room and the girls bunk with their brother. I like to read and watch movies, etc at night so I want a full room to myself. Plus I think the sharing beds and rooms with kids is not real healthy, and that has been an issue in our marriage IMO. Ie, wife always letting kids sleep in our bed with us.

This has been a topic of conversation in my sitch where I have been tired of having to be outside my bedroom, and waffling over whether to put an end to that.

During our last conversation when W asked me again to move out, one reason she cited was that the girls did not like sleeping in their brothers room with him.

This is W's week in the master, now that she is home from Denver. As bedtime approaches, W comes up to me and whispers "You need to talk to them about sleeping arrangements." I said "What do you mean?" She said "If you want to sleep in here you need to tell the girls they are sleeping with in their brother's room."

So I announced "All right girls, I am sleeping in yr room tonight, you will be in with your brother." Instantly the girls start complaining and crying about how they hate sleeping in their etc. they had never had this strong emotional reaction before. I really can't know for sure, but my instant thought was that W had somehow orchestrated or prompted the performance. They are whining and crying and W just walks out of the room, leaving me to deal with it. I tried a couple "all right guys, please stop complaining, this is just the way it is, sorry" but that didn't work.

As it went on, I started feeling a little angry, but I think mostly just plain fed up. With everything. With W. I just didn't care anymore what the W would do. I said in a calm but firm voice "All right guys, change of plans, Daddy is sleeping in his bed, you girls can sleep in your room." Out of the corner of my eye I could see W's reaction, it looked like she was surprised and PO'd. Same look as the two times I told her No, I am Not Moving Out. She kept her distance as we got the kids down. I went directly to the bedroom, she headed downstairs and got on the phone, I would presume to call whatever girlfriend she confides in these days.

I walked downstairs to get some water and she was sitting texting with the same look. I said "Sorry, didn't mean to spring that on you, it just came up. But it is something I have been thinking about for a while, and I am going to sleep In the bedroom from now on. She can sleep where you want."

Her: (Eyeroll) Thanks! (Sarcastically)

Part of me is telling myself What are you doing?! Don't rock the boat and make her mad, you will drive her away, and make her file for D!"

But the other part of me, that is growing stronger every day, is telling myself: Good for you. Sleep where you want to sleep. This is your house. You are a man who works hard and provides for his family. Sleep in the bed for crissakes. You aren't driving her away, she is already away on her own. So what if this helps her decide to move out and file for D? More and more it looks like that is an inevitability. Probably need to detach and get the M farther down the D road if there is going to be any chance of change and progress. Right now we are just stuck high center in a pretty miserable sitch that isn't going anywhere. I need to show her I am ready to get on with life with or without her. And I need to really believe and walk that out too. If a stupid dispute over sleeping arrangements is what it takes then so be it. I am tired of cowering in fear over the thought of D and losing her.