Dealing with WAW part 4

[pilot]

The way he is acting now, nope I do not want him back. But I believe I do miss the H that I used to know.

what you said there is the key to it all.

Dating, while it does help decide what I want and give perspective, also greatly complicates things. My W tends to be less aggressive when it comes to relationship things. By that I mean I always have to be the one to initiate (even during our great times). She has used other words to describe it which I cannot remember, but the basic premise is she feels intimidated/unsure/insecure. While I will not mind read, if I was in Vegas and had to place a bet, I would say it is a fair assumption she is still unsure about our R. She was unhappy and did not know who/what else to blame so it was me. And while I was not perfect, she is probably realizing I was not as bad as she once convinced herself of. Dating someone else openly would likely seal the D in her eyes. That does not mean I have not planted the seed of curiosity of what am I doing in regards to other women.

Right now, on this visit, she is noticeably less affectionate as she has been during recent months. That could be due to a million things. I am sure the recent disagreement on the schools and money played a significant part. But we are still very pleasant together. We smile and laugh. We do things with the kids together. There are no awkward moments of silence were we sit uncomfortably. But there is no physical affection being initiated from her as there was a few weeks ago when she would corner me and hug and not want to let go and just squeeze. I was surprised she asked me if I was going to get an apt near her soon. I also get it that she is going to be in her new place on her own (really for the first time in her life) and she will probably want to experience things for herself. This by default puts off any possibility for R for the next few months.

Again, just rambling. At the end of the day I do not have to do anything for another month. Just venting some frustration from limboland.

Thanks for keeping up with my soap opera