Finding my way - part 5

[pilot]

Old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2480664&page=1

I could use some advice. H. just emailed me to ask how I'm doing. He said he's not really sure what to say, and that he probably knows how I'm doing, but that he wanted to check in anyway. He also said he'd understand if I didn't want to talk to him.

I'm crying something fierce right now. I miss him, and I want him back, and I have no idea how to get there. I wasn't sure if he'd ever get in touch and it feels like we have few reasons for contact, which is scary and leaves me feeling like this might never happen and that any contact is a huge deal.

I don't know what to do with the email. I'm not going to respond just yet, but I have no idea what to say or do with it when I do. Any suggestions about how to approach this would be appreciated.

Your H is probably having one of those moments where he is thinking of you and your M. As a guy, I get this. He may very well be having a moment where he is second guessing himself. It may last it may not. Or heck, it may not even be that. However, given your strong stated desire that you want to be with him, and that HE reached out to YOU, and even added an understanding if you did not want to talk to him, I would say what harm could come by showing him a smooth path. He wont walk all the way home, but he could very well be testing the waters to see just what would be involved in R.

So I would reply with a lot of PMA that you are doing well. I would highlight some of the good things going on with you. Then ask him how he is doing. A lot of times as a guy, I will have something on my mind I want to talk about but I am afraid to be the one to initiate. I WANT someone to ask me, even force it out of me. Lets me maintain my masculinity. So think about what you want, and how you want to get there. He gave you an opening, so your response is not pursuing. He wants to know how you feel, and in all likelihood, wants you to ask how he is feeling. So ask.

Or better yet, tell him you are doing great, and you are about to go to starbucks or something and you will be there around *pick a time*. If he wanted to join you that would be fine by you. Remember, he is the one who wants to talk. Maybe him seeing you when he is at this point emotionally will help him express things he might otherwise delete after typing in an email.

And I apologize because I cannot offhand recall your entire situation. I know I have read it, but I have read so many they are all starting to blend!

Good luck!!