25, I have been giving your post a lot of thought. I really appreciate you telling it like it is, I often read your responses to others as well and they are always spot on.
I am overwhelmed with all of the changes coming at me. Other than D, I need to get back in the workforce after 5 years in an area that doesn't have a lot to offer, H is going to be done in the Middle East no later than Nov. His original plan was to return here (get his own place) but looks like that is changing as well. Due to the job market where we are he is now considering Europe or a position in another state. (either way this will be a big change financially) S19 is out and on his own in the military, D16 got a license and a car and is much more independent now. I have been experiencing panic attacks the past week or so which has never happened to me before...scary. Feel like my world is caving in.
With that being said (my little pity party) I know that I have some huge changes to make. I can't and don't want to live like this. At this point, I see no hope for my marriage, but I understand that I need to make some changes (big changes) not only to spark any hope in my marriage but for me to have a life that I want. I need to get out of my comfort zone (words my H said to me 2 days ago) and get a job...that is huge right now.
Quote:
I'm talking healthy self respect and the ability to overcome inertia.
That^^ (overcoming inertia) is what I'd suggest as your specific 180 goal #1.
Stop, stopping yourself from MOVING in any direction.
THIS! HOW? This is where I am....how to overcome inertia?
- I updated my resume - been contacting a realtor regarding a business I'm interested in buying - today I texted a friend and we are meeting to walk/run
As far as working the program, I feel like I was more so before my vacation. Still had a ways to go but was getting there. Somebody told me back in Feb to quit playing the victim, nobody is going to save me I have to save myself. I definitely feel this more than ever.
I will post more later, D16 is home now. Also need to get my thoughts together better.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
