I want to be clear that I am fully aware of her buying time tactic right now. I'm going to continue to draw up everything I would be seeking should we D. I *hope* that tonight she will respond to last night's email regarding the first steps, however if she does not, I will be prepared to proceed with D.
She already did respond to your email. What more do you want, Tar? Just more foot dragging on your part...it is how I see it here.
I wouldn't have an issue with Tar laying a "best and final offer" in front of his wife, that included:
1. Marriage counseling, with an MC who specializes in dealing with infidelity issues;
2. Wife sends a no-contact letter to OM, the content of which is to be approved by Tar, and he also delivers/mails it immediately after she signs it (so that nothing may be added or subtracted). (we can help you draft that, Tar);
3. FULL TRANSPARENCY plan put in place. Your wife changes her cellphone #, and the new #'s detailed billing comes to YOU. New email address. All emails and passwords, you get a copy of and you can access them at any time. She leaves her phone unlocked and available for you to look at any time you feel you need to. She shares her daily schedule with you, etc. And I would strongly recommend that YOU, Tar, have at least ONE method of intel in place that is UNKNOWN to her;
4. Anything else to add here? In my sitch, it was that my wife needed to quit her job (as a personal trainer at a gym), since that's where OM was and where they had partially conducted their affair. Only something MAJOR should be added here, as this is not meant to be some long impossible "laundry list" but rather a very short list of "dealbreakers."
And you let her know that if ANY of these are violated (especially contact with OM), you will file for divorce immediately.
Look, her FEELINGS are going to take awhile to come back -- 6 months to 2 years, I hate to say. But it is truly a DECISION as to whether or not she is willing to do the above and come back and work on the marriage with you. And there's no reason why that decision shouldn't take more than 24 hours. If her response to THAT is more equivocating, stalling, etc., I would have her served immediately and without notice.
