A little late, but W did reply to my email. Basically said she's just scared- scared of the work involved to R, scared it won't make a difference, scared things will get better for a while but then things will be right back to where we are now and then the kids have to adapt and go through it all again.
I suppose that's her way of telling me her answer, but not telling me, huh?
The process moves slow like a glacier. Plenty of time for her to get unscared.
I've read so many posts with WAS's saying ambiguous, confusing, and conflicting things. All I remember is one vet saying that no one allows the love of their life to leave over a misunderstanding. She'll tell you if she wants to take that risk.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Tarheel, I don't want to be a downer, but keep the L stuff moving till you're satisfied this is real.
In the future, rather than saying "what is your decision?" -- which hands her all the power -- you might say something like, what are your thoughts, or how would you like to change things? This gives her a say but not all the power.
Good luck.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Be careful of W's shell game. She's now attained a Black Belt status in this. Wow she's really good at this! She's trying to buy time with this MC talk and not really putting real work in it by drop kicking the OM to the curb.
I've seen way too many WAS go the MC route and then say "Well, I've tried."
Be careful of W's shell game. She's now attained a Black Belt status in this. Wow she's really good at this! She's trying to buy time with this MC talk and not really putting real work in it by drop kicking the OM to the curb.
I've seen way too many WAS go the MC route and then say "Well, I've tried."
Be careful of W's shell game. She's now attained a Black Belt status in this. Wow she's really good at this! She's trying to buy time with this MC talk and not really putting real work in it by drop kicking the OM to the curb.
I've seen way too many WAS go the MC route and then say "Well, I've tried."
I'd move forward with the D.
X3 ... I did MC thinking we were trying and for some reason could not connect with W ... turns out OM was still in the picture pursuing her. Lesson learned and now I have things in place to protect myself from that happening again.
I will not commit to MC without 'no OM contact' (and proof) being part of the deal. She knows that is my biggest stipulation should we try to reconcile.
Per her email, she fears (as do I) that the first step would involve a lot of pain- talking right now when we are both upset with each other and having to be honest about our feelings. But I understand that that is part of the process in order to achieve a new, better relationship in the long run, so I would be willing to take that step.
I want to be clear that I am fully aware of her buying time tactic right now. I'm going to continue to draw up everything I would be seeking should we D. I *hope* that tonight she will respond to last night's email regarding the first steps, however if she does not, I will be prepared to proceed with D.
