First I'd like to thank everyone for their insight into my situation and the valuable tips (especially the veterans). I feel like I have made progress with myself and would still be floundering without this. I am making mistakes at times, but fewer. I'm not sure anything is happening with my W at this point, but I feel more human. I completely welcome all comments (no matter how harsh they seem at times). I need that sometimes.
At times I can almost step back and look at my situation and relationship from afar. This changes my attitude. My feelings have gone from panic, despair, and fear to indifference and sometimes anger. I haven't felt anger about this before probably because I was too focused on trying to fix this. But I can really see how I am being treated. I don't know what to do with this anger and I do not want my decisions and actions to be driven by anger.
This concerns me because I feel like I'm giving up and I do not want to do that. The vows that I took mean something so much to me, even if they are not all reciprocated at this point. I in no way want to give up on them and her, but know I cannot hold on to all of that forever.
I am still tempted to ask her how she feels, what she wants? what she sees as our future? or are we done? I know I cannot have these conversations right now, or any time soon (advice from Sandi,MrBond,LovetheHub and others).
I also go through times that I want to show her how much love I still have for her and how good things could be (I think this is a bad idea too). So I wait for her to come to me - if it will ever happen.
Thanks all!!
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
