Thinking about all this brought up more questions about what I want, what are my goals, and how I can best reach them. And my constant questioning of how friendly and in contact to be. The little bit of friendly texting is good, I feel it builds a connection and allows me to show off some 180s and GALs. But then does it also alleviate his curiosity and desire to see me in person if he can get a little dose each day? I honestly can't tell. I guess I have to keep alternating NC and friendly in a random way and see what happens.
He has been offering me help with some things I am dealing with. The help he is offering means we will have to communicate and see each other sometimes. At this point we have very little reason to communicate and see each other, and yet we still do. Taking his offer of help means a chance to remain connected in some way for a little while. However it also means I will NEED to communicate with him, probably not very often but maybe once a week or so. I can't decide if that is a good thing or bad thing. Is it better to have all ties cut so that we only stay in touch if he really wants to contact me?
Wow, it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I was struggling with this for awhile too, and finally decided to just go full NC, which my friends have been urging me to do (friends who understand and are supportive of my ultimate desire to R). My DB coach also recommended this. Before I went full NC (going on Day 8 now), I was just like you, wondering whether I should continue with the little bit of contact so he could see that I'm GAL and doing some 180s or whether I needed to just stop completely. I don't remember your whole sitch (I know I've read it but I've read so many that sometimes they get confused in my head!), but I've found that the NC has really helped ME to detach and to not go through the crazy mood swings anymore. Although I mostly kept those hidden from my H, it was starting to really take a toll on me and my own mental health.
For me, I felt like my H was really wavering at first and my DB coach was hopeful that maybe we could save things before we truly had to separate. However, I'm realizing that H really needs to go on this journey on his own, and he's never truly going to be able to unless I completely let him out of the cage and be free. So I'm doing just that. I hope that wonder if one day he will awaken from this fog that seems to have taken over his brain, and realize how great we could be together. If not, though, I will always be truly grateful for all I have learned throughout this journey about myself and what I really want. It might not turn out how I had expected or originally wanted, but I know that I'll be OK. And you will be, too. We all will be.
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
