You shouldn't post when you've been drinking but what the heck. Right!
What is warmth and understanding? She used to have warmth and understanding but then she just got angry. Nothing I did was right. There went the warmth and understanding.
My wife used to be the warm one in the relationship because I didn't understand warmth. My family wasn't warm. They were nice. They were kind. But they weren't warm. They didn't know how to do it. But my wife...there was another story. She understood warmth. She made everyone feel loved. It was a gift. That's why everyone loved her.
Boy I sure don't miss her long rambling emails. She could go on and about what an ass I was for pages.
Here is an example of ONE email. Swear to God--ONE email:
Dear Bob, again, this is what you wrote:
"I want you to know I have really tried. I came back last year not with the hope of bringing calmness to you liked as you say in the email but rather to fix the marriage I tried to be more communicative I tried to better understand your concerns. I did become a better listener and I did get better at communication. I still struggle with conflict and properly standing up for you. I do have emotion. I think the physical ailments I have had over the last year can be directly connected to the emotion as I was trying but failing. And when I say failing it was my fault not yours."
Bob--This what I hear:
To my constantly complaining wife: Why must you make me say things that hurt you?
I did not move back home last year with the hope of repairing a marriage that I had destroyed.
Because I have never seen myself as the person who destroyed our marriage. The destruction was your fault. And you must understand, my goal was not to repair the marriage last year. I did not want to move home. I moved home because you manipulated the situation. You let me to believe that you would be perfect. This was untrue. And this untruth made me very sad. It caused me to move out a couple more times. And each time I came home it was under the false promises that you would be perfect. When you failed in this objective I had no option but to be saddened.
I waited for you to take full responsibility for all the problems in our marriage. I listened with open ears for apologizes that never came. I waited for you to stop all conflict in our marriage but it never happened. Instead you continued to get angry and insisted that I take responsibility for things that I did not like. I tried to explain to you that I would only take responsibility for issues that I agreed on. I was not going to take responsibility for issues that I was not comfortable for.
I believe that I am allowed to pick and choose what issues I can be responsible for in my marriage. I believe that I am allowed to pick the problems that I get to blame you for in our marriage.
Things would have been happy in our marriage if you would have gone along with this set up but it wasn't good enough for you. You were never happy. You wanted to pick your own issues to whine about.
And you failed to see that your consistent nagging is what has brought us to this point. If you would not have forced me to live under unrealistic expectations then I would not have been so conflicted. It was horrible. You forced me into situations that made me sick. If it had not been for you I would not have been forced to hide my behavior and engaged in bad decision making.
It is your fault that I am sick. Do you know how hard it is to live a double life? No you do not. But I had to do this because you forced me. And now that I am free of all that you still badger me. You still nag me.
When will you stop and allow me peace?
All you do is discuss your trauma. Why do you think I care about any trauma I have put your through? It is not as if I loved you when we got married. It is not as if I love you now.
You strongly need a reality check my dear, dear wife.
Although you have appeared to have several alarming medical conditions since June 2 (a deadly infection, C-diff, heart problem, lung infection, teeth problems, etc..) they are not as serious as my medical issues. Do you know why? Because my medical issues are mine. And I blame my medical issues on you. I blame your medical issues on you.
I will not take responsibility for your declining health. No more than I would ever take responsibility for the destruction of our marriage. Neither of these was ever my fault.
I do not cause conflict. I avoid conflict. Any deceptive behavior that I may have engaged in during our marriage never caused conflict. If you would have ignored my behavior (as any good wife would have) everything would have been fine.
Therefore the conflict was your fault.
Again I sign this document with no emotion.
Bob
P.S.--Please stop making me feel responsible for your failures. As we know you have been married twice before. This is my first marriage. I think we know who is probably the failure you.
Damnit! Why couldn't she just learn to edit. We could have gone a long ways if she could have just learn to stop expressing herself so damn freely all the time. And why couldn't she have been a little softer. Would it have killed her to be a little softer?
