Went camping with some friends over the weekend and had a really good time. No worries, no technology. Went fishing, made a really big fire, and shot a shotgun for the first time. I even hit 1 of 6 clay birds, which I like to think isn't bad for a first timer.
W stopped in to check on my cat at the house while I was gone. Other than sending her a quick thank you text for that, no contact since she came to pick up the cats last Wednesday.
The one thing that I am currently struggling with is an idea that keeps creeping into my head. I really want to tell W how I feel about the way she left me. Not how I felt about her leaving, she knows how I feel about that, but the way she left. I know that I cannot force her to love me again, that is a decision and feeling that she has to come to on her own if it is to happen. But the way that she left, after I had been out of the country for eight weeks, her moving out secretly the last week I was gone, me having to come home to a cab ride and an empty house, her not willing to meet me in our own home to tell me she was leaving, her agreeing to marriage counselling before and then completely rejecting it, that was the most hurtful and disrespectful thing that I feel has ever happened to me. And to make it worse, I came from the last person that I would have expected to make me feel hurt and disrespected. I wouldn't beg and plead for her to come back, I wouldn't get angry, I would just explain how I felt.
On one hand, I feel like it would help me to get that off my chest, and it would be the mother of all 180's for me to actually discuss feelings that deep and that openly with her. But at the same time I don't want to start a fight, I don't want to put her on the defensive. I keep going back and forth, and it is something that I just can't seem to put out of my mind.
Me: 28 W: 28 Together: 9.5 years Married: 4 years Bomb dropped and W moved out: 6/15/14
