Yes, I have to feel the power. I know it is in me and has nothing to do with what he does or says or thinks anyway.
Sorry I am in a rambling mood...
A few days ago he said he wanted something that was at my house, and that he had some items for me as well. Due to his weird communication I thought he was using this as an excuse to meet up. Luckily I figured it out before I got dressed up for a hot date! Turns out it wasn't about seeing me, it was just about the item - or perhaps the item was an excuse to communicate.
He has no idea that I misunderstood since I realized my mistake and was able to clarify without him knowing. Wow that could have been embarrassing.
Now I have a feeling he won't show up to pick it up at all, as it seems it was more about just staying in contact than the item itself. I won't be at home either way as I already have plans so it doesn't matter.
This WAS behavior is so unpredictable. Add my moody crap in there too and you have a big mess. One minute I don't want him back, the next minute I'm crying over him, the next trying to flirt with another guy... I guess I can only console myself by realizing he is probably having similar crazy swings. That would explain his unpredictable communication and behaviors.
Thinking about all this brought up more questions about what I want, what are my goals, and how I can best reach them. And my constant questioning of how friendly and in contact to be. The little bit of friendly texting is good, I feel it builds a connection and allows me to show off some 180s and GALs. But then does it also alleviate his curiosity and desire to see me in person if he can get a little dose each day? I honestly can't tell. I guess I have to keep alternating NC and friendly in a random way and see what happens.
He has been offering me help with some things I am dealing with. The help he is offering means we will have to communicate and see each other sometimes. At this point we have very little reason to communicate and see each other, and yet we still do. Taking his offer of help means a chance to remain connected in some way for a little while. However it also means I will NEED to communicate with him, probably not very often but maybe once a week or so. I can't decide if that is a good thing or bad thing. Is it better to have all ties cut so that we only stay in touch if he really wants to contact me?
